Review: Batman XXX. I kid you not.

The boy and I went to Good Vibrations in Berkeley to pick up some massage oil after we discovered that, fun as the massage candles were ,they did solidify back into wax, and picking wax out of your pubes isn't the funnest thing ever. I've since learned you just have to use it sparingly, and then it'll melt into your skin beautifully... but we're impatient and so it's good to have options.

Anyway. We got to looking at the porn, like we usually do, picking some up, debating them, putting them back. Then the boy picked up The One. "Batman XXX". We had gone to Pedestal as Batman and Robin once, as the photo shows, and he has a huge hardon for the guy. So when we saw this... I swear his lip trembled and eyes glistened.

"Can... can we get this...? Please..?" he asked imploringly, and, well, since he recently grew out his facial hair and got some fake black rimmed glasses, his hotness was impossible to refuse. The girl at the counter nodded approvingly at our choice, saying she had quite enjoyed it herself. I didn't know at the time that Evan Stone was in it, but if I had that would've cinched the deal. I love everything Evan Stone is in. He's hilarious, and so not my type in any way.

So we got home, and we started watching. It's basically a parody of the 1960's Batman, from what I understand, though I haven't seen much of it myself. It's super camp, this porn, and fantastic good fun- I was surprised at the hot sex and the sense of humour that comes across during the whole thing. I adored the vintage lingerie and the 60's hair, and also really liked that the girls had pubic hair- trimmed and neat, but also there, which is great. I'm glad to see there's more pussy fuzz being shown in smut. I prefer it, personally!

I loved that when people were having sex, including oral sex, it seemed to actually be for pleasure- you didn't see every lick up close, sometimes legs or hands were in the way, which made it seem more natural- hard to do when everyone's wearing capes and spandex. Evan Stone as the Riddler is pure genius. Kimberly Kane was incredibly sexy, with her big eyes and jiggle in her behind. I really liked seeing rimming too, one of my personal favourite things. And there were lots of amusing bits- Dale DaBone doing some 60's dancing and stroking his bat gauntlets, the Joker's whiteface over his moustache (exactly like the original, btw- the porn actor, Randy Spears, didn't have a moustache til he took the role), comic book popup sound effects when the fight scene happens, the sexy Tori Black as Catwoman.


But the thing that really did it for me was the completely adorable Lexi Belle as Batgirl. Oh my GOD she is the cutest thing ever! There's this great moment when Robin tries to cover her eyes when Joker gets it on with his two molls (Andy San Dimas and Syren Sexton, both pretty, slender girls with giant hairdos), and she waves him away saying “It’s hot!” Fabulous, truly. Lexi has great chemistry with James Deen, who plays the Boy Wonder.


I was really surprised at how sexy this was. I mean, I've seen a lot of porn parodies, and they're usually silly, not sexy. This managed to play pitch-perfect homage to the original Batman while maintaining some really amazing chemistry between the porn actors. The line "Holy threesome, Batman?" "Indeed" made me laugh. It was just good fun, and very enjoyable. Also, LOVED that the breasts were, as far as I could tell, natural, or damn good fakes. I'd definitely watch it again, and recommend "Batman XXX" to people who love comic books, the original series, or just porn parodies in general. Seriously, it's pretty hard to have sex with a cape on, and it's really funny to watch people struggle with it. Not that I have experience with that or anything.


Don't feel like just cause you can't pop down to a local Good Vibes you have to be deprived of this pleasure, btw- remember you can get this stream-to-own or as a Windows media download, too! And it's worth it- not just for the porn, but for the extras. Also, you can check out a preview here. I hear they even got the original Batmobile. Priceless.

Review: Little Death Ray

So I was quite lucky and managed to get my gloved hands on a Little Death Ray- a steampunk-themed vibrator that's pistol shaped. Made by a carnal craftswoman going by Lady Clankington, this beauty was one toy I just had to have. I mean, I love steampunk, and I love sex, so how could I go wrong? I needed something to replace the hole in my heart caused by the fact I will never own an actual steam powered vibrator. I'm more accustomed to ones run on bottled lightning, as the boy puts it.


I ordered this before Burning Man, and was very happy to have it waiting for me when I got home. Taking it out of the box, it looks really nifty. I particularly like little details- you unscrew the halves to access the vibe if you need to clean it or change batteries, which is clever and keeps it sturdy. The website shows you how to do this before you order it, too, so you know what you're doing. Also, it has a teeny compass on the handle end, which is just, well, cute. And it looks lovely. You could leave this out as a piece of art, easily.  


As for the vibrator itself, it's got a good kick to it. I'm glad they made it a hefty sized pistol, as a smaller vibrator generally makes the sensation too buzzy and irritating for me. This was just right for clitoral stimulation. And, hell, I love gun play, so this is like a safer, sexy way to introduce that in a roleplay sense. And actually, the shape made it easier for me to use against my clit- never mind the obvious fun of pointing it directly at the boy's balls. Zzzzzzap!


I'm eager to dress up steampunk for Folsom this year mainly so I can show it off.


They come in gunmetal or bronze- they're made of acrylic, and each is individually altered. They all have numbers, too, 1-100- I got 9, my lucky number, so yay for me! The site says it's waterproof, though I haven't tested that yet. And if you get into too many duals with your weapon, never fear- you can get a replacement barrel in the right color. 

Not as into the vibrator thing? Well, soon enough there will also be a Butt Rogers Uranium Pistol which I can't wait to see! As the photo promises, it looks to be a thing of beauty much like the Little Death Ray. The triggers are non functional though- which is probably good because that makes them both easier to clean and less likely to break.


These awesome toys are all hypo-allergenic, phthalate free, latex free, and made of food-grade materials only. They also reassure us that Lady Clankington herself has tested the designs and they are functional and well-designed. 


They've already gotten some ::cough:: buzz online, so check out what other people are saying about them. I'm certainly looking forward to what other Carnal Curiosities might be down the line! I'm hoping for some holsters.


Til then, I may need to supplement my kinky steampunk kit with these beautiful cuffs and harnesses from Project Transaction, found at Wicked Grounds...

old reliable

Well, as some of you know, a few weeks ago, pre Burning Man, we went to an ageplay party at the Citadel.

While I like some aspects of ageplay from the perspective of being the little girl, I've discovered that yes, I resent being the parent. As someone who has often been the responsible one who keeps things together, and, generally, the Top, I want space to be taken care of, not further role plays that involve me being a caregiver. I do not get anything out of caring for a child, whether a real child or an AB. I have no maternal instincts, and if it's not going to be sexyfuntime, I want to be given back something. It just feels like a drain to me.

I did not want to go to this party. I really didn't. But I put myself in a position where I didn't want to go and I didn't want to stop the boy from going, and I really didn't trust him enough to have him go on his own. I brought a book to read, and I tried to get into the swing of things, but was irritated by people talking in baby speak (hell, I was a pretentious child THEN) and felt incredibly out of place. I didn't feel comfortable talking to most of the people there because I felt like talking like I normally would might pull them out of headspace. I felt like I was an atheist at a psychic fair- trying to be polite but not feeling like I could engage on the same level.

I was still feeling pretty uncomfortable about the issues the boy and I had about the girl he played with in London. And I had told him for months it would be ok for him to get changed. It really wasn't. I felt ill for a few hours, dry heaved, so filled with jealousy and self-hatred and dismay that I spent the next week uncertain if he and I should split up. How could I stay if this was his fetish and I couldn't engage in it or let him do it with someone else? How can I compete with a slender, pretty and famous porn starlet who also adores AB/DL? It was really, really rough. And I'm still struggling with my feelings about this kink. I want to be ok with it, but ultimately, I have some internalized trauma around kids and caregiving and I'm just not ready to deal with it. I want to be the one pampered and coddled.

I worry that this will be the elephant in the room for a good long time. I can't ignore it, I can't pretend it doesn't exist, and I still don't know if there's anything in it for me. I feel stupid that my initial reaction to all this was that I had to be a top because there's too many bottoms and not enough tops, so I'd better fit into the economy accordingly. And I hate that on some level I wish it was something else, something we could share. When I played with the ageplay stuff, we did more kinky play- now that I'm not, it's kind of fallen to the wayside. I still love him, and our sex is still fantastic, but I miss the sadism and bondage and roleplay. Will I ever be able to wrap my head around it? Or will I have to let him go?

We haven't really talked about it all post BM. I don't know what I could possibly say. But this kink is still not sexy to me, it's just another opportunity for me to take care of someone else because I'm the top/I'm the responsible one/I'm the organized one/I'm the one with a job/a flat/a sense of direction. I feel punished for being pragmatic and reliable. How could I not resent it?

And yet...

What can I possibly do?