Making the Beast With Two Backs with the Black Dog

I'm quite possibly crazy. 

It's been suggested I have lots of things- severe depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorder. I don't really subscribe to any of those except, perhaps, bipolar- anyway, whatever I have, I'm pretty good at managing it most of the time. Or so I tell myself- I mean, I do still have impulsive tendencies, both on the manic and depressed sides of the spectrum. Still, generally I'm at a level state- a bit more panicky than others, maybe, but functional, even happy.

But one thing I've noticed is that I am a rescuer, or perhaps just a wallower. Oh god yes. I am attracted to people who are like me- potentially mentalists. They tend to seem like my people- artistic, politically frustrated, sexually experimental, interested in the macabre. I fall for people who are like shelter cats- in need of a little more love and care to make them feel safe. Skittish people, sometimes, or people who will strike out when scared. 

This means I've had a lot of experience on both sides of the vibrator of sex and mentalism. When I first started having sex with more than one person, I was very uncomfortable with my weight, had scars on my arms from cutting, and was generally trying to fuck my way to better self esteem. You see, depression can go either of two unhealthy ways- never wanting to have sex, or lots of promiscuous, numb sex with people in a quest to find meaning and self-worth through orgasms. It doesn't really work. 

Then there was a period of time where I was struggling with flashbacks and couldn't stand to be erotically touched. That went on for 6 months at least, though I begrudgingly allowed myself to be touched sexually even when I wasn't in the mood after that 6 months. There are days when sexual energy drains me beyond belief, and days when it leaves me singing in my blood. And it's very hard to anticipate which is which.

I've had and have lovers who struggle with these things, too. Sometimes it works out ok- the girlfriend who needs lots of alone time to build up her energy is happy for me to go out and see other people, for example. Sometimes it doesn't- the poly-curious girl who has a poor body image can struggle to put herself out there and meet people, or the long distance boyfriend can struggle to accept their lover having other local lovers. It's easy as it stands for jealousy to cause anxiety and/or self-blame, but it becomes potentially a minefield when you add emotional instability to that. 

This all came to mind due to some conversations I've been having about my libido and how it just gives up sometimes when I'm stressed or down, along with conversations with the boy, who's been struggling with my extracurricular activities, and also this article on the Good Vibrations blog. The blogger points out that, as little  information out there is for sex and physical disability, there's even less about sex and mental health. It's hard to know what to do when you have your own sexual needs but your partner can barely feed themselves, much less be interested in touch... or is so insecure about their body that they feel uncomfortable naked. So I have a few ideas that've served me well... maybe it's a starting place.

-Talk to a kink aware professional. Not just your partner, but you, too. Depression and anxiety are contagious, and it's a really good idea to make sure you're emotionally together while your partner gets the help they need. Plus, if you both go to therapy, there's less of a stigma about it.

-Take a look at your food intake. I've found that less caffeine, less red meat, and more veggies, more fish really helps my mental health. Try to limit snack foods to trail mixes or pretzels- or, alternatively, pour a bowl of your snack food of choice (this helps prevent you from stress eating). Consider making extra food and freezing some when you cook so there's instant healthy meals available. Also talk to a doctor or nutritionist about vitamin supplements you might find useful. Eating irregularly or unhealthily can make a problem worse.

-Read "The Survivor's Guide to Sex". Written to help survivors of sexual assault and their partners relearn how to relate, this book has a lot of tips on negotiation and patience. It really helped me communicate with my lovers what I needed and when.

-Also check out "The Five Love Languages". I found this to be hugely helpful for communication- it gave me ideas on how to communicate love in ways my partner could recognize and accept, and what sort of love language I had, how I would know I was loved. When someone is struggling with their head, it's helpful to have a clear idea of what you need and how to ask for it without being pushy. I found this book helpful for that.

-Discuss sexual/sensual activities you can do together... or do apart, and when/how to navigate that. When my libido is low it can really hurt my heart to walk in on my boy masturbating- it makes me feel like I'm failing. But at the same time if I don't want to have sexual play he needs an outlet. We've negotiated things like him giving me a massage or running me a bath, or even wanking under my direction as a performance- it allows me to feel like a part of his sexual life even if I don't want to have sex. Discussing these things can help prevent hurt feelings later.

What have you learned? Any tips or tricks?

Gift Guide 3: Wanderlust

I'm a traveler. With one foot in San Francisco and one in London, I'm always on the move, never quite settled down, my purse always having a few condoms, some travel packets of lube and maybe a tiny vibrator... just in case. Tis the season for flying and driving to see family and friends... here's some gifts for those in your life with a bit of wanderlust.

For the Femme Who Can't Choose: 6 Wanderlust Imps' Ears from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab

How wonderful is Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab- enchanting scents to please all sorts of people, from bookworms to steampunks, Cthulhu worshippers to adventurers. But one of the best ideas, I think, is to shop their Wanderlust collection for places your gift recipient has gone or wants to go- they can get sent 6 imps' ears, mini samples, for $22- a steal, considering these are high quality perfume oils- a dab goes a long way.

And yes, for those dandies out there, most of their scents are unisex in nature- perfect for lightly scenting their handkerchief for the next lovely lady to cross their path.

For the Victorian Time Traveler Flying by Balloon: The Leather Passport Holder and Purse

The leather case is lovely, and makes it easier to find their passport in a bag full of knick knacks from travels abroad... and in the past or future.

Sturdy, a leather cover will keep their information safe from a brush with flame, the teeth of wild animals, or the experiments of an evil scientist.

For the Sleep Deprived Air Traveler: "On Cloud Nine" Eyemask

It's difficult to sleep on a plane- somewhat cramped spaces, people chatting, kids crying. Depending on their airline, your friend might have things to watch, but sometimes they just need to get a good night's sleep.

Well, a mask like this may allow them to slumber in style. Made of silk, these masks also work excellently as blindfolds for gentle sensory deprivation scenes. There's many styles to choose from, I just found this one rather clever!

For the Friend Who Works Too Hard: The Sensual Sampler

With so many possibilities for massage, kissing, and licking in this kit, they'll be hard-pressed to decide which to do first! It's hard to get a workaholic to relax, no matter what you do. With 2 mini Rub Me massage bars, 1 Smooch Me lip lube, a 1oz Ignite Me massage candle, 1 .5oz Knead Me massage lotion, 1 .5oz Devour Me lickable oil, 1 .5oz Touch Me massage oil, and finally, 1 Lust Dust edible body powder, they'll be able to put their work behind and melt into a sensual experience, all fingers, tongues and lips.

One of the best things about this kit is that all the products are appropriately travel sized, so they don't have to worry about repackaging- perfect for the person on the go.

For the Friend who Hates Souvenirs: The London Skyline Acrylic Necklace

I love traveling but never want to gather up kitsch to take home (not entirely true, actually- I did take home a woman-shaped bottle full of vodka from Poland, but I digress). This Etsy shop not only has the London skyline, but LA, Chicago, NYC, San Francisco, Paris, Sydney...
Hip, crisp, and definitely original.

For the Carbon-Conscious Friend who Can't Give Up Twitter: The Ecobutton

This little gadget plugs into their USB port- every time they walk away from their desk, they can tap the button. The gadget makes sure their tech draws in as little power as possible.

Even better, they can feel self-righteous when they return to see how many carbon units they've saved through using this device- the software lets you know each time. Nifty!

For the Friend Who Wanks in Airplane Bathrooms... Or More: The Mile High Club

Yes, a whole book devoted to sex in airplanes! How delicious. From VIP passengers to people making air travel commutes, this books covers all sorts of steamy encounters that happen in the air.

If your friend is the sort of person who enjoys the thrill of getting dirty under the regulation blankets, this book may be for them. There's perverted pilots and sultry stewardesses, all making their own entertainment while in the air.

Hey, in-flight movies aren't always enough, am I right?


With a collection of gifts like these, your traveling friends will remember you fondly, wherever they go!

Remember, Good Vibrations is offering free shipping on orders over $50 til Dec 16th: they also have lots of gift guides for you to check out, so click below to start browsing!

Holiday Gift Guide 2: Holiday Harlots

I'm a bit of a hedonist. I mean, I was a founding member of Kinky Salon London, I've been on TV as a sex worker extraordinaire (snort), I'm an Erotic Award Winner for my Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society. 

So when it comes to me figuring out presents for close friends and lovers, I generally think of the world I know- sex toys, books, and porn from the local Good Vibrations. And hey, why not? All those things make great presents, over and over again! Here's some of my top suggestions.

For your partner on the quest for the G Spot: the Gigi Vibe

So I got lucky and won a Gigi from Good Vibrations during their Vibrate the Vote campaign. Trust me, you want one of these around your bed.

It's rechargeable, which is really nice. It's got multiple speeds and settings- I really liked the most intense, steady vibration. I didn't find the buttons too hard to control, even with my fingers a bit slippery.

But what makes this toy amazing, and THE toy for anyone in your life looking for the big G, is how it feels inside. OMG. I don't squirt terribly easily but this toy was an automatic gush machine. WINNER. But bring a towel!

For the Queer Vintage Smut Lover: Bordello

I'm going to have to admit. I only saw snippets of this porn, because it was so hot that it encouraged me and the pretty boy I was with to, erm, get busy. So I can't give you my usual play by play.

What I CAN tell you is that the cast is totally hot, the sex is cock- or clit-hardening, and I loved watching the stars using potential murder weapons to get themselves and each other off. How great is that? April Flores, Billy Castro, James Darling, Tina Horn, Akira Raine..! It's excellent, it's queer, and it has just enough of a plot to be fun, not dragged down by it. If Bordello isn't necessarily to your taste, try "Speakeasy", another production by the same director, reviewed here.

For the Not-So-Vanilla Friend, or the Lover you Wish to Tempt: the Indulgence Kit

With an excellent, strong, pretty and discreet rechargeable vibrator (the Nea), a purple silk blindfold, and an Ambiance massage candle, this kit promises sensual, delicately kinky pleasures.

The massage candle offers an enjoyable warm soy wax that melts into a massage oil to spread on the skin, while allowing you to sample wax play. The blindfold is a soft way to introduce sensory deprivation into your play... and the vibrator? I'm sure you can find a use for that.

For the Hippie/Burner in Your Life: Earth Angel Hand-Powered Vibrator

We all know that horrible feeling- you're mid-wank, getting so...close...to...cumming... when your vibrator betrays you and gives up the ghost. Now you need to stop everything and dig out batteries, or plug it in for an hour. By the time everything's set again, you've lost interest. Or you're out at Burning Man and just don't want to bring a lot of disposable MOOP-y batteries... or a generator just so you can get off. What to do?

Never fear! This vibrator is like those windable flashlights, except it's a pretty intense toy. Mmmm. Perfect for that barefoot tree hugger in your life- or someone who can never seem to find those double As!

For the Shy Stripper, or the Tongue Tied Dirty Talker: Exhibitionism for the Shy


I have the original copy of this book and I think it's fantastic. The new version has a foreword by Nina Hartley, along with new interviews including Margaret Cho, Audacia Ray, and Violet Blue. 


With Carol Queen's inimitable voice calmly guiding the reader through all sorts of things, from verbal filth to sex parties, even the shyest of exhibitionists will feel safer and more comfortable. 


This should give you a little sampling of ideas: also check out my other gift guides- Hard To Shop For and Stuff Your Stocking. Or, if you need help, comment on my blog and let my Present Ninja skillz work for you!

Gift Guide 1: Hard to Shop For People

Now, I live in a world of sexuality, porn, and mostly responsible hedonism. When it comes to the holidays, however directly or indirectly, often my presents have to do with that fact. But I don't want to be boring and just get the same old thing- "oh yeah, thanks, handcuffs, yawn". And there's often people on your list that you just DON'T know what to get them. Well, never fear- I am like a present NINJA and I'm here to help.

For the Geeky Triad in Your Life: Cuddly Microbes

This is a tradition for me. Every year I pick one sexually/romantically transmitted microbe to give to my primary lovers. The first year it was syphilis, the second year gonorrhea.

I can't say which one I used this year cause the lucky(?) recipients read this blog, but I can tell you the petri dish of three microbes is perfect for a poly stocking stuffer- one per lover. Or get a big one to snuggle all night long. I would recommend tuberculosis or cholera, myself....

For the New, Queer Parent (or any queer-savvy parent): My Princess Boy

I adore this book. It made me cry, reading it. I think it's a great lesson, not just in teaching anti-bullying lessons, but in teaching that gender expression is fluid... and ok.

The illustrations are simple but effective, and, if you haven't heard the story behind this book, read up on it. It'll warm your grinch-y heart.

For the Frequent Travelling Activist: A Joque Harness and Soft Pack


With the new TSA guidelines saying you either need to go through a backscatter or be groped to fly, there's been loads of suggestions on how to protect your genitals while making a point. Good Vibrations might not be your first idea, but I think a Joque harness, which looks like a jockstrap, and their Sailor soft pack tucked inside would be a great way to cover your self while making the TSA feel pretty uncomfortable. After all, they can't tell you you can't wear it- there's no rules against it, and no metal...

Plus, this is a beautifully made, washable, vegan strap on harness, and who doesn't need one of those?

For the Macho Femme in Your Life: Hammer Earrings


How fucking rad are these? DIY chic to the max! I love how simple these are- not super girly, just adorable mini-hammers.

These are unexpected but really fun and reasonably priced. What better way to acknowledge your macho femme's ability to construct shelves and fix the house up and looking fabulous while doing it?

For the Mad Scientist Girl on Skullcrusher Mountain: A Literal Sweet Heart tee

How adorable is this teeshirt from Thinkgeek? Anyone who knows me knows I have a love for molecules- well, this shirt features a sucrose molecule and an anatomical heart diagram. Awww!

Finding cute nerdy shirts for women is always fun and this is one of the best Thinkgeek ones I've seen. It's kind of gruesome, in a disgustingly sweet sort of way.


Hopefully this'll give you a nice head start for Cyber Monday- soon to be followed by Gift Guide 2: Holiday Harlots!

Review: "The Curse of MacBeth"

I got “The Curse of Macbeth” in the mail from Good Vibrations about 15 minutes ago and had to pop it in immediately.

Holy fuck I’m glad I did.

As a girl who prefers women but likes boys sometimes too, the first scene, with not three but five witches was brilliant, especially as they included the sexy Lilla Kat and Raina DeGrey. They of course chant “double double toil and trouble” and then decide to cause some trouble by dragging a hot, naked, emo Macbeth up onto the bed by his hair. Not that he seems to mind! While four of the witches entertain each other with some lovely finger action, one witch focuses on Macbeth- tracing a knife along his skin (including his cock and balls), which is TOTALLY MY KINK OMG, then some waxplay, followed by some hot fucking and him jerking off into a bowl which he then drinks out of. Then they rub his leftover cum and the wax into his skin.

Was this specifically made for me?

Madison Young makes an incredibly hot scheming Lady Macbeth, telling him to slap her face. Oh yum. I did laugh when she says “yeah, take that throne, take it!” I doubt that’s exactly what Shakespeare had in mind, but hey, he’s not going to see it.  The sex scene she has with Kade is just super hot, with her being a pushy bottom for sure. It’s lovely to see, and features more than one of my own favourite sex positions- you’ll just have to watch to figure out which!

Then, Lady Macbeth poisons Banquo, James Mogul from Training of O fame, and while he lies there, unmoving, she pulls his trousers down and sucks his cock like a mad thing. Then she crawls on top of his unresponsive form and fucks him passionately, quoting paraphrased Shakespeare all the while. Did I mention these two are real life lovers? It just makes this scene endlessly hotter. And just in case he’s still alive, she stabs him, proceeding to lick the blood off the knife. MADE FOR ME.

The doctor, kink.com’s Maestro, and the nurse, Tina Horn, decide that Lady Macbeth is obviously crazy and so ignore her mumbling about “that damn spot” and wandering around, getting down to some business of their own. Spanking, hair pulling, rough play… oh, this was a lovely scene. “Yes Doctor” is a phrase I like to hear. It seemed a little out of nowhere in terms of the story, but was still pretty hot. Watching Tina’s ass jiggle as she gets fucked is, today, on my list of top things I’ve seen in porn. Yum. And watching her drive a tiny car over Madison’s skin is hilarious and makes me want to do it sometime to the boy.

It ends with Macbeth coming in on his Lady having hung herself from the guilt of her murder. I’ll admit, I did wonder if he was going to pull her down and there was going to be a sex scene #5, but no. Maybe that’d have been too far. 

In summary, I loved this porn. I think it’d appeal to people who enjoy porn with plot, or just really hot kinky scenes. I am definitely going to watch this again, and definitely encourage others to check it out. Can I give 6 stars for a porn review?

You can pick “The Curse of Macbeth” up at Good Vibrations, or, if you’d prefer it sooner and/or a region 1 DVD wouldn’t work or you (take note, my British friends!) you can also get it in multiple formats for your laptop or iTunes. Watch this. It’s beautiful. And hey, it’s Shakespeare, right? It’s CULTURE.

Giving Thanks

I have a lot to be thankful for. I always do, whether I see it or not. Here's a brief reminder:

-My grandmother is healthy, as are my cats

-I have a boyfriend who loves me, and is willing to work with me, and even distance hasn't broken us

-My family and friends like him, and his family likes me (which still amazes me)

-My parents and I have a great relationship, now, and can at last be friends

-I have a brilliant relationship with my ex C, and he's still a big, awesome, fun part of my life

-I have a huge number of friends all over the world who love me, and I them

-I've met new friends and lovers this year who are an amazing part of my life

-I have a job I'm good at and enjoy, and clients that inspire me

-I have food, and a roof over my head, and money in my pocket

-When I've needed help- legal, financial, emotional, shelter, logistical, whatever- it's been provided in abundence

-I'm often in a position to offer myself and my skills to others when they need it

-I was able at long last (and to the relief of my friends) able to let go of an unhealthy relationship (Sh), and finally severed the cord

-I will soon be divorced and able to start over with my life in a healthier way

-I have a great crew of friends who have totally made my dream of Kinky Salon London a brilliant reality

-I'm getting recognition for the work I do, and becoming pretty successful

-I'm getting paid to write, a dream of mine forever! And this month an article of mine will be in Filament magazine, my first magazine. :)

That's a small sampler. There's so much more, from little things to huge things. 

But I want to take time now to really say to my friends (and if you're reading this, you're a friend)- I love you. And thank you for being there, in every way. Thanks for calling me on my shit, and for forgiving me when I fuck up. You help me become a better person.

argh, technology

I'm trying to sync up my Blogger with my LJ again and I've done everything I'm supposed to but it's not working! Maybe I need to wait for a day before it starts syncing up..?

erasurehead

So recently I retweeted this:

"RT @misswhipass say to a slave "Are you straight " he says "Yes Mistress" you say "suck that cock" he says "Yes Mistress" ..Bi now Gay Later"

I thought this was kind of funny, especially as one of my high school boyfriends had experience identifying as bisexual during school and now living as a mostly gay (if not completely gay, I'm not sure) man. 

I was told that by retweeting this, I was promoting biphobia and bi erasure, something I can understand being a reaction. Telling people that bisexuality is a phase, or a holding ground between straight and gay, is really frustrating when you identify as bisexual. I remember having to defend my identity often, in high school, as not being a phase, that I was open to being in a relationship with either. I remember how frustrating it was, too, being nonmonogamous and bisexual, explaining over and over that no, I wasn't bi because I was "just slutty", and I wasn't nonmonogamous because I "needed both". I can totally emphasize with her anger, because I had been angry about it too.

This came right after I had posted something on Facebook about an article discussing guys who identify as "mostly straight"- something that I thought was actually kind of neat. I like the idea of guys starting to take steps to explore and challenge their assumed sexual identity. Women have more of a tendency to feel comfortable exploring bicuriosity- much to the frustration of lesbians who get tired of being training wheels for experimentation. But then, women are also (supposedly) less likely to have specific, concrete fetishes. Women are socialized and often encouraged to have a fluid sexual identity, at least far more so that men. So I welcomed an article suggesting that men are beginning to feel more comfortable saying that the labels "straight" or "gay" don't necessarily work for them.

I identify as queer, now. I came to that decision because I felt the term bisexual was too limiting for me, that it encouraged a binary of gender I was uncomfortable with. Anthropology classes taught me that gender was a spectrum, and could be fluid, and therefore I felt as uncomfortable with bisexual as a term (suggesting male or female) as I did with the idea that you were either gay or straight. Queer was more... open. And I liked that. Just as I don't generally identify with monogamous or polyamorous, choosing instead the more flexible term or nonmonogamous. 

But then, for me, in my experience, my sexuality and gender is fluid, at least to a certain point. I mostly know people who have had a similar experience with their sexuality and gender expression. And I sympathize with people who look at all the labels out there and say "but that doesn't exactly mirror how I identify".  

What pissed me off is the belief that because I no longer identify as bisexual, I have no experience with bisexuality, or that I should shut up and sit down on bisexual issues. It's that whole "prove your cred at the door" thing all over again that one finds in some queer spaces, and it was really disappointing.

The example given as similar was that of denying trans lesbians access to lesbian space, because they were male, and therefore had access to male privilege. Now, I think that's unacceptable, and often more linked to fears that a straight transvestite might wave around a queer identity so they can leer. That said, I ran a Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society group, which led to an interesting thought process on how to make it open to Ladies without it being invaded by male energy. I decided my way to navigate this was to say "Ladies" for the Sake of this Society will refer to Those who live full time as Women, and FTM and intersex people who feel that they still have a link to the women's / dykes community." This seemed to work pretty well at leaving it to people to consider their own identity without me being the gender police. And I recognize that while trans men may no longer feel tied to the women's community, they also might, and they've spent a fair bit of time dealing with sexism themselves. 

Someone may have identified as bi long enough to experience a fair amount of biphobia, or hell, may know enough bi people to be able to give an opinion based on their experience or the experience of those they know. While I was told "if you don't identify as bi now, you never were", I disagree. I don't think ALL people who are bisexual have fluid sexual identities, but also refuse to ignore that some DO. People change, people shift, they grow in different ways and I don't think being fluid means that you have no right to talk about any identity. Her experience may not reflect that, and that's ok... mine does, and I don't think my experience is less valid because I don't have a solid, unchanging identity. Additionally, I don't think one is better than the other, or more evolved- like with mono/poly, I think that some people find one works better for them, others may identify as poly for years and then monogamous, and that doesn't take away from their experience.

Let me declare this now. I've been touchy about certain subjects- jokes about rape, say, or this TSA bullshit. I'm less touchy on other subjects. Sometimes I say something that offends someone, and I'm sorry to offend them. I personally enjoy jokes that're in bad taste sometimes, and I get that it's not funny to everyone. I laughed at this short, though it definitely hit close to home! But I also pick my battles carefully. I'm more interested in fighting the big fights than squabbling among other activists. If someone says something I disagree with, I generally try to engage in a friendly way, not shaking my finger. Calling someone names isn't going to get them to listen, I've found, whether that be in queer circles, women's rights circles, or any other activism group. One day, I hope we'll be as good as the Republicans in realizing that we aren't really each other's enemies and we, as activists, have a lot of common goals.

So, if I offend you with something I say- know that I only ever speak from my own experience and will try my damnedest never to invalidate yours- know that I'm often sorry I offended you, and am interested in hearing why you feel that way- and know that if you start to make personal attacks or tell me my life experiences aren't valid, I will probably stop listening.

And this whole experience is definitely part of why I stopped going to most rallies. 

Review: Vibrating Pleasure Pump

I love suction on my clit. Love it SO MUCH. The feeling when my boy sucks on my clit like it's a little cock is just the nicest, toe-curling, shoulder-shivering feeling. And I used to have a toy, years ago, that simulated that sucking feeling while vibrating, so when I got to try out the Vibrating Pleasure Pump from Good Vibrations, I was really excited!

It wasn't all I hoped for. I'll admit it.

The suction just didn't stick and wasn't as intense as I had hoped- I think the problem is that the pump mechanism is not tight enough, maybe? I had to keep pumping the bulb to get the suction back to the way I liked it. And then the vibration was a little too... buzz-y for me. I recently explained to my grandma, "some vibrators are like bees, bzzzzzz, and some are like jackhammers, BZBZBZBZBZBZ". I like the jackhammers, generally, myself. ::grin::

I'm curious to see how this will work for the boy, though, because the suction end might feel really nice against the head of his cock. The toy comes with two options for attachments- one has little fingers in it, so you get extra vibration, and one doesn't. I'm imagining this could make for some fun teasing, esp if the boy is mummified and can't escape...

So, if you want to experiment with suction, this would be a good starter product. You're not going to injure yourself with it like you can with the more hardcore suction toys. The little bit of vibration would be fun for someone with a sensitive clit! I just have to practically beat mine up in order to get off. I did enjoy this for some foreplay, though, it was a nice tease.

I'll post an addendum when the boy comes for a visit. ;)

Check out the Vibrating Pleasure Pump and other toys at Good Vibrations!

scarlet starlet

(photos courtesy of Adult Industry News, AINews.com)

So on Sunday I did my first adult movie.

Seriously! It's been years of me wanting to get into pornography but things never really clicked. I'd only get requests from companies who wanted to market me as a "fat piggy" girl and I really hate that. I don't want to add to fat phobia, OR the fetishizing of fat girls' bodies. 

So I waited. And got pretty old for porn- I mean, 26? I'm practically withered in porn years.

I applied at No Fauxxx but didn't know what to do with a camera on my own... Kink, of course, never wrote me back, and Pink and White kept promising (and maybe, in January?) but so far, no luck.

Then I started talking to a woman named Kelly. She runs Padded Kink, a great BDSM website with lots of hot chubby girls and boys on it. Yum! She donated a month's subscription to my fundraising cause, which was lovely of her. Poking around her site I found myself wanted to give it a go- when I found out she was going to be in my neck of the woods, I jumped on the opportunity.

But then I started to get nervous. I hadn't done porn before. What was I thinking? I'd have to TALK, carry a conversation, act like I know what I'm doing! Madness. I must be mad. Never mind my fear that the stuff I enjoy is just too weird for camera. 

But I did two scenes. And I had SO much fun, Kelly was a delight to work with. Amusingly, two porn scenes, 40 min each, and I never took off my clothes- but there's always next time, with the boy. ;)

The first scene was a cowgirl/cow scene with this beautiful woman I'm lucky enough to have played with before. Our chemistry was automatic, and I played with her much like I would have had we been alone. Her kisses make me crumple. It was an incredibly hot, weird scene and I loved it.

The second scene was a an ageplay/encouraged assplay scene with me as a Mummy. It was kind of fun to explore this role in a way that was playful, experimental, with no pressure. I found the dialogue easier than expected, though not knowing the man I was playing with that well definitely added an awkwardness. Still, it was fun, and I look forward to seeing them both!

I'd tell you more but then why bother getting a subscription, eh? ;)

The thing this really solidified for me is that I love when sex work allows me to be myself and do things I like. I can't wait to do another scene- evil clowns, maybe? Needles? Puppyplay? I'm not sure, but it'll be exciting whatever it is!

Best part is? Place we shot had two adorable 5 month old kittens. AWWWWWW. Sorry, I don't have photos of them. But they were freakin' adorable.

So! Kind of an awesome big deal. 

And on the end of another awesome big deal- I'll be able to go back to the UK for a visit after all, and can finalize this damn divorce. HURRAY! Thank you to everyone who helped make it happen- that bond was the tipping point, I think!

Review: Late Night with the Date Night Delight kit

I don’t really go on dates very often. I’m a pretty busy person, and I tend to be attracted to similarly busy people- workaholics, often. I find sex with people who are passionate and driven tends to be pretty hot… well, when your google calendars sync, anyway!

So I got lucky twice over when I was sent the Date Night Delight kit by Good Vibrations during a week that I had managed, to my excitement, a date with this really gorgeous woman I had met and flirted with when we crossed paths.  What better way to test out this kit, while also impressing my curvy companion?

I hadn’t even opened the kit until I got to her place, because I wanted the contents to be a surprise. I unpacked sparkly tinsel and uncovered a treasure trove of goodies in a variety of scents and effects!

There was a mini Rub Me massage bar, scented with English Lavender. The idea is that as you warm it up in your hands or on your lover’s body, it slowly melts into a luxurious velvety message butter. They’re really nice because they’re not as messy as the oils can be (case in point- I used the Touch Me oil and forgot to screw the cap on all the way, thereby giving my date’s carpet a oil bath). It was a bit cold in my date’s flat, though, so I went to the next item.

I also discovered a small Ignite Me massage candle. Now, I’ve used these a lot, and really enjoy them- I find the melting point to be just right, especially for someone new to wax play. The soy wax melts at a low temperature so you get this sensual warm oil to drop all over your lover’s back. Mmmmm. And the soy wax is excellent because it doesn’t cling to little hairs, it just slides right off! Definitely keep in mind that less is more- the less you pour, the more likely you can just rub the oil into the skin. If you use it as a wax play candle specifically, you may end up with a bit of a flaky mess. This one was a really nice, refreshing Pomegranate Mint scent. I considered playing with this old favorite but decided to try something new instead.

Having picked this lovely lady up from work, I knew I wanted to give her a soothing massage as we chit chatted. Thankfully in the kit there was some Touch Me massage oil, in the scent I like the most, Morning Dew. Because of the sweet almond oil base, it’s not latex-safe, but it makes for a smooth, skin-moisturizing massage oil that does wonders for the masseuse’s hands along with the receiver’s body. I always enjoy offering a massage, because it’s a sensual way to connect with a play partner along with being fantastic foreplay, so the massage oil was definitely welcome.

Unfortunately we didn’t quite get to the Devour Me lickable body oil, which is actually really nice tasting. Normally fruit flavorings really sicken me, because they’re too chemical or too cloying, but the Strawberry Kiss had a light taste that was surprisingly yummy. Again, remember that this body oil might seem like the ideal thing for a genital massage turned to sex, but oil isn’t latex safe.

The kit comes with two different kinds of lubricant, so you can take your pick between Please gel lube or Please cream lube in little one use packets. It didn’t have gloves or condoms in the kit, but we had our own so no issues there! I also loved that there was a mini bullet vibe and batteries in the kit so you had a tiny vibrator on call if needed. Fantastic!

So, quite a variety of sensations and things to play with in this kit, and definitely fun for a date, as we proved until rather late…

My only wish is that instead of 4 massage related things there was something else… perhaps a satiny blindfold or something like that. I can’t imagine getting through all of the oils in a night, no matter how much I enjoy giving a hot girl a sexy rubdown!

Would I recommend the Date Night Delight kit? I would, for sure. I think it’s great to have options, and it’s so compact I can easily toss it in my purse and head out without anyone being the wiser. As I think I’ll be invited back to see my delicious co-tester again… I’d say that’s a recommendation right there.

You're the TSA, not T&A (potentially triggering)

As someone who spent a good amount of time flying, I am horrified, disgusted, and incredibly pissed off by the new TSA guidelines. Basically, if you want to fly in the US of A, land of the free, you get to choose between having strangers see your naked body thanks to a full body scanner (and those images will be stored!) OR you can have the invasive groping of your breasts and groin. And if you refuse, you better be ready to leave the airport like the criminal you are. Hey, this is for your safety, folks.

These scanners are in effect at Heathrow Terminal 4 and Manchester, but I haven't encountered them there. That said, I know how scary and dehumanizing it is every time I fly to London to have the border control agents check my papers. I can't imagine having that experience be the norm no matter where I fly. And I'm really, really not ok with how this removes my agency as a woman... or how problematic this process has already been.

I mean, look. A three year old girl is forced to go through this enhanced patdown- a patdown that in any other context would have people up in arms as inappropriate sexual touch of a minor, but if it's the TSA it's cool? WTF. But what really got to me was how these guidelines served as a trigger for a rape survivor:

 “This was a nightmare come to life,” Celeste says, “I said I didn’t want them to see me naked and the agent started yelling Opt out- we have an opt here.  Another agent took me aside and said they would have to pat me down.  He told me he was going to touch my genitals and asked if I wouldn’t rather just go through the scanner, that it would be less humiliating for me.  I was in shock.  I couldn’t believe this was happening.  I kept saying I don’t want any of this to happen.  I was whispering please don’t do this, please, please.”

Since Celeste didn’t agree to go through the scanner, the enhanced pat down began.  “He started at one leg and then ran his hand up to my crotch.  He cupped and patted my crotch with his palm.  Other flyers were watching this happen to me. At that point I closed my eyes and started praying to the Goddess for strength.  He also cupped and then squeezed my breasts.  That wasn’t the worst part.  He touched my face, he touched my hair, stroking me.  That’s when I started crying.  It was so intimate, so horrible.  I feel like I was being raped.  There’s no way I can fly again.  I can’t do it.”- from PNC-Minnasota Bureau

The TSA claims these molestations will only happen with same-sex agents- which isn't that much better, frankly. But even so, in practice that's not what's been happening. 

Outrage over this has encouraged a National Opt Out day, the day before Thanksgiving, as a way to fight back against these regulations.This opting out means that everyone will receive the enhanced patdown, and the site encourages you to make sure it's done in full view of other passengers. From the videos I've seen, it's pretty horrifying. I have never been somewhere where people have been treated so invasively in an airport. There's a few videos on youtube showing women and children having to go through this grope-down but the father doesn't... again, not really suggesting a very safe or sane situation. 

I wouldn't be flying anyway, but I'm definitely not interested in flying after all this. Only flight I'm getting on is one out of the US. Fuck "freedom", I'll take Big Brother any day.

it may be better to give than to receive, but receiving's pretty nice too

So I've already done a good portion of my holiday shopping- there's still a few things here and there to get. But I've been enjoying looking at gift guides all over the place, and wanted to share this Babeland contest:

Check out their holiday gift guides, pick a toy you want, and email contest@babeland.com your gift guide toy wish and why you deserve it (because if you read this blog, you're probably a dirty filthy pervert like me and therefore unlikely to be on the "good list"). They'll pick a winner at random each week- enter between now and December 21st. Pretty rockin'! Read about the details by clicking below or on this link-

I've been trying to decide what I would want...

Looking over the sexy holiday gift guides, I'm pretty tempted by the OhMiBod Better than Chocolate pictured- why? Cause it works with Skype, and since I'm in a long distance relationship with my boy, that would be an amazing addition to out sexual life when we're apart.

Plus, it can also just be used with any sort of musical hookup wirelessly (and how fun would that be in a nightclub) or just used manually when you don't want all these nifty gadgets, you just want to get off. Sounds good to me. It looks like a great toy that'd be loads of fun for quite some time, while still maintaining that novelty.

My other temptation? This We-Vibe couples kit. The boy and I have been looking for a vibrator we can use during sex, especially hands free, and especially after that one time we tried using the hitachi instead and I kind of bashed my clit into submission.

The We-Vibe looks like a lovely toy, I've read fantastic reviews, and this kit comes with other fun stuff like metal dice and lickable oil. So... it's pretty much a tossup for me between the two. Either would make sex with the boy that little bit more interesting. ::grin::

What would you pick? Where are you shopping for the holidays? I'm curious!

Review: "An Open Invitation"

I heard about "An Open Invitation: A Real Swingers Party in San Francisco" and my first thought was, "I bet I know someone in this film. In fact, I bet I know a few people". Then I discovered that the finale of the flick is an orgy in the Upper Floor of the Armory, a gorgeous and luxurious space. Of course thinking about all this made me wildly curious, so I jumped at the chance to have the great folks at Babeland send it my way so I could check it out!

It's a love story. It's a story, in fact, I've encountered in one form or another in my real life out in the alternative sexuality scene- that of a loving, committed couple who find themselves missing that spark in their sex lives and decide to experiment and see what happens. It's a fun journey of discovery into my world, which is fun to watch on the other side!

It starts with a fairly yuppy-looking couple but cute Alison and Will Bloom (played by India Summer and James Deen, who I remembered from Batman XXX)  getting home in the evening, undressing and crawling into bed. I loved little things, like the removing of all the decorative pillows to leave only the two they would actually sleep on. Or when she suggests they have sex and he seems surprised and mildly intrigued because, well, they had sex on Tuesday so he figured she wouldn't want to. It seemed like real couple-y things to do, which set a good scene. And that first scene... the sex is sweet, but swift, and focused entirely on his orgasm. He cums, and it's off to bed, her looking a little... wistful.

Meanwhile, this hot couple Vivian and Adam Angel (played by Lorelei Lee and Micky Mod) living next door are a little more free. He removes her panties in the doorway to their flat- she sucks his cock on the rug in the living room- they talk dirty to each other. He rims her, one of my favorite things personally, and then has her use an Njoy Pfun Plug in her ass while he fucks her silly. Unlike the first couple, who were quiet and to the point, these two make their pleasure known (hope their walls are thick!) They make out like they're about to devour each other. It's super hot. He cums on her face and she licks her fingers clean, with them kissing lovingly, snuggling and giggling. Adorable.

Then I totally see someone I know from my OWN experiences at sex parties in SF, and I just had to laugh and remember- for some people, this is porn fodder- for me, well... ;)

Anyway! At a restaurant, these two couples meet up and in a clever move by the Angels involving some not-so-subtle manipulation and some "gifted" wine, end up chatting and getting to know each other. Wine flows, food is fed amongst giggles, and sexual innuendo is heavy. The hookah comes out, and the smoldering gazes definitely hint at this going somewhere.  I particularly appreciated the time honored technique of the girls bonding to lay the groundwork for a comfortable situation later down the line. And it's fun to watch the Blooms gradually realize that the couples switch and move fluidly sexually among each other.

I really liked it when the conversation about open relationships starts- of course with Vivian making out with another man and William saying to Adam, "you're ok with what your wife is doing over there?" and Adam shrugging and saying "of course". Oh man have I been in that conversation before! And it was fun watching the party go from cocktails to cock and tail. There's some amazing chemistry and some hot fucking that goes on, and I loved that the PIV or PIA sex was mostly safer sex. Some nice double penetration too... yum yum.

And I really liked that moment the next morning after their first swinger experience to look at each other and say... "did that really happen..?" But the Blooms didn't get the Angels contact information... I'll let you discover how they find each other again, it was kind of awesome. I don't want to ruin the surprise.

I'll say this- I loved the girl on girl scene between Vivian and Alison. For a couple of femmes in stripper heels, I found the sex to be a little rough, and really fucking sexy. Oh, what girls do with their hands..! And of course can't forget the Hitachi in all its glory, doing what it does best.

I really loved when the Blooms talked about Alison's sex with Vivian and William was really turned on by his wife's excitement. And I liked that the Angels seemed like they were really experienced with the swinger scene when they weren't- that was kind of cute, and made a good point that just cause someone seems very confident and comfortable doesn't mean they've been doing it much longer than you!

Then it was time for the orgy in the Upper Floor. It was hilarious to see so many people I recognized, especially people I see out and about at real life parties or camped with at Burning Man! Again, totally a reminder that I am actually in this fantasy community. I really got an appreciation for how strange and amazing that is for other people. That said, I was disappointed that when there was a major scene happening almost everyone else stopped and some guys in the room were actually just watching and wanking- something they wouldn't be allowed to do at a swinger party!

I liked this porn. It was really hot, even though I prefer queer porn. I wish there had been boy on boy action, but hey, that's rarely allowed at swinger parties, sadly. I think it provided a fairly accurate example of a fun, hot, young swinger scene- one I experienced a bit more in London than in San Francisco, to be honest, but then it says a lot that out of 127 "real swingers" I knew quite a few of them!

Obviously, it's not a replacement for negotiating and discussing safer sex- nobody of course talked about safer sex in this porn, even if those precautions were taken in places. But it's porn, it's fantasy. I'm just saying, if you take this stuff to real life, you watch "An Open Invitation" and get inspired? Lots of communication, safer sex, and get tested often. You'll be glad for it.

Would I recommend this? Sure! I think it makes the swinger lifestyle a little less old and creepy, which is the reputation it has, and loads of really hot sex with excellent chemistry. Definitely head over to Babeland and give it a looksee!