300th post- Christmas!

Christmas!

I love Christmas. And it seems somehow fitting that my 300th post would be one in which I discuss how my holiday went.

First, the boy and I went to Wicked Grounds formal holiday dinner- I came as a patron, and he was one of the sexy servers. The only boy server, actually, which made me proud. We had an amazing meal, really lovely and filling and heartwarming, and I loved watching him hustle about getting orders and serving the meal. I was delighted when Midori mentioned how he had done a good job, because it was his first time serving publicly and service is more my kink than his (that said, as I write this he's tidying up the bedroom and doing laundry. I have such an amazing boy).

I was so proud, in fact, and turned on, that I was pretty wet when I got home. So I told him to strip and lie on the bed. I cuffed his hands with the sutra cuffs, and kissed his chest, nibbled at his nipples and ran my fingers down his sides. His cock hardened significantly- he's always hard when I touch him, but tonight he was straining. I smiled and opened my mouth to take him in. I don't suck cock terribly often, but tonight I craved feeling him in my mouth and writhing under me. I wanted him to feel rewarded for his service by doing something just for him- and he was surprised and, I think, excited to receive the attention.

I got mine too, don't worry- once I released him he was all hands, making me squirt. Yum. ;)

Anyway. After that, I suddenly felt really... nurturing. So I told him to get into his Batman onesie so I could read him a bedtime story. He hesitated, visibly worried that if he got too excited I might change my mind. But I really wanted to take care of him. I think it's because he spent hours doing something I love, something that really turns me on, and I wanted him to know how proud of him I was. So I nodded, and helped him into his onesie, and he snuggled into me for a story.

Granted, neither of us was sleepy, after that, and there may've been some naughty Mommy/boy play, which was surprisingly enjoyable for us both. I wonder if it's the diapers in particular that trigger me, as he didn't have any and so we did without. It'll take more experimenting I'm sure. I expect it also helps that I initiated it!

Anyway. Christmas Eve was spent with chosen family, eating Mexican food and drinking sangria. It's not been a part of my holiday tradition normally, but I may need to change that! Tamales for Christmas Eve is nommy. We still had the traditional clam chowder, too, but guac and cheese dip.... oh yes. The boy let me open one of my presents early so I could go in my new cat kigu- with my boots on, I was Puss in Boots, hee hee! Plus it was just really nice to see a bunch of my friends Christmas Eve. On the way home we drove around a bit to admire a huge area of lumieres lit up- so pretty.

Then Christmas Day we woke up at 6am or something- we're both like giant kids so we opened our stockings all bleary-eyed and cranky. In between stockings and tree presents, the boy went to trim his beard and ended up accidentally shaving it off, much to my dismay. I was kind of upset- I find the beard really suits and makes him very hot- and he was upset and we had a bit of a spat, but that resolved and we moved on to the more pleasant opening of gifts.

The things I'm really excited about is the Octopussy and the Understudy kit so I can mold a dildo with the boy's cock- yay! I also love the bat kigu my grandmother got me from Bunnywarez, and this scarf with a happy and a sad cloud on it, and dirt-scented perfume, and all sorts of fun little things. I will say- bacon jelly beans are a fun novelty but a terrible flavour!

After the presents, we went over to Wicked Grounds for snacks, coffee, games and piercing. Thanks to Bad Mouse M, I was made into a pretty bird- I loved having feathers decorating me! I can't wait to do more with wings and decorations. There's more photos of this on my fetlife profile. But it was very very fun. I love needleplay.

Then we went to the House of Yay for Christmas dinner- ham, and salmon, and crusty bread with spinach dip, and all sorts of cookies and cake and pie. Yummy! We filled up, chatted with people, and indulged in the white elephant present exchange- I got a pill cutter (?) and the boy got a Japanese South Park dvd set. Interesting... it's always fun though, I enjoy the mystery and the gift exchanging.

So that was Christmas! We spent Boxing Day resting in kigus and watching TV after having brunch with a lover of mine. I'm ready to sleep for a couple of days.

Review: Sutra Cuffs

I have a very pretty boy. He looks nice tied up, but I lack the patience for rope, and sometimes cling film is a little too industrial.

Along came the Sutra cuffs by LELO, sent to me from Good Vibrations, beautiful silk and suede cuffs attached by a silvertoned chain. It's nice to have cuffs that fit my wrists as well as his, and these are just glamorous. So soft, in such rich colors, and surprisingly strong!

What I really liked about these was the presentation. They come in a lovely gift box, wrapped in some tissue paper, and they look luxurious. The clips are easy to use, both on someone else and on your own wrists, and there's enough length between the cuffs to wrap the chain around something. A bed frame, maybe?

One thing to keep in mind is that this is all one piece. You can't remove the cuffs from the chain. I like this feature, personally, because it means nothing can get lost and you can easily drape these over your bedpost for ease of use.

These would make for a great present for a lover who would appreciate some fancy cuffs- or, perhaps to wrap your lover in under the tree? I'd also suggest them to someone new to kink, because they're very nonthreatening and are both prettier and safer than just silk scarves!

The Sutra cuffs are the perfect last minute gift, whether as a stocking stuffer or just a secret to hide under your sweetie's pillow. Better hurry, though, as today is the last day to get free second day shipping on orders $100 or more from Good Vibrations!

Christmas Photos: 2010

I love the holidays. I love them so much, I do a yearly holiday shoot- this is the third year running, in fact! 

I try to do something different every year.

The first year, I just did a holiday pinup shoot, an example of which is here- red and white lingerie, tinsel as a boa, suggestive mistletoe placement, wrapping my lover-at-the-time's cock in the tinsel for some cocksucking photos. I remember giggling that he used the tinsel to decorate his room for the holidays afterwards. I wore my Christmas collar, too.

It was cute, and good fun, but not very well executed. The holiday hints were there, but the lighting wasn't that great. Still, I have to say- having photos taken by someone who finds you attractive makes a lot of difference in how those photos look!

So, the next year, I was in California.

I was bored, Grandma had left, and suddenly I thought "photo shoot!" So I posted on Twitter, asking if someone would be available to do a holiday photo shoot with me. I got two offers- the delicious Brody, who took these awesome photos of me, and the lovely Benjy Feen, who I knew as a part of my community. Benjy could come over the next day, so we scheduled- then I freaked out. What to wear??

Obviously, a reindeer outfit.

The reindeer shoot ended up being pretty popular, which makes me giggle. I loved doing it! The makeup came across really well, and the antlers were perfect.

Having the holiday photos done by a professional made a huge difference. The lighting is quite obviously better, for a start. Benjy was a joy to work with, too having done fetish modeling before, I'm pretty aware of how some photographers push boundaries, and I've always felt comfortable working with Benjy. I think that comes across, too- I have a lot of fun and creative input, and the photos look fabulous because of it!

Plus, I have a long standing love of ponyplay- so reindeer play seemed like it was an obvious choice for the holidays. Hooray for reindeer games!

So this year, I wanted to continue the tradition. Luckily, Benjy was available- and this time, I had a special prize- my boy. So, I decided I wanted to do a shoot that was suitably couple-y without being trite...

Can you say "O Christmas Tree"? ::grin::

He looks pretty as a tree, no?

Getting the topper on was really, really hard! And the piercings were fun- first time we've played with needles together. I love the whore red lipstick, and holding the snowflake between his lips!

He's such a sweet boy. I love that, pretty much whatever I ask, he's up for it. ;)

I will say, though- Christmas bulbs need to be small and light, if using them for decorating a boy via needles. I sterilized the hooks before hanging them off of the needles, but definitely be careful! I think if I were doing this again I'd pierce at a slant for better resistance to the pulling down of the bulbs.

Also, say yes to tinsel shibari.

Without further ado, here's a selection of the unedited photos Benjy took.

Happy Holidays!

My Favourite Babeland Toys of 2010

Ok, so, I need to split these into two categories- toys/lubes from Babeland I like the look/idea of, and toys I've been introduced to this year. Because there's quite a few that I've had to go "oooo" over!

First, how about 3 toys I'm excited about:

The Octopussy Dildo

I cannot possibly express how much I need this dildo. I need it, though. It's pink. It's a tentacle. And it is SO FUCKING COOL!

Made of boilable Pyrex, this toy is sterilizable, which is pretty good. Also, it means you can either heat it up, or cool it down in your freezer to create a multisensory experience. Also note the fantastic handle that curls ever-so-delicately around your fingers, making this perfect for partner play!

The JimmyJane Form 2

This toy has been all over the sex toy review blogs. I'm saving up for one, myself- I love the idea of the two different motors, one in each ear, that'll allow you to enjoy fluttering vibration on each side of your clit. Yum.

Did I mention this is waterproof? And rechargeable? Cause it is, which means you can take the Form 3 with you wherever you go. Small enough to travel with, and discreet enough to look like some trendy desk toy, there's a lot of power in this baby.

The Sphere Couples Vibrator

Seriously, guys. Seriously. LOOK at this thing! Not only is the design fantastic, it's the perfect couples vibrator, with one for each of you!

The black half apparently offers five vibration modes, while the white half gives you five distinct speeds. The velvet-coat ABS plastic pieces are designed for external stimulation, but there's no reason why you couldn't try it for your g-spot too. And again, cleverly disguised- you can have this out without feeling embarrassed if you get a surprised visit!

And let's end with 3 toys/lubes I can personally recommend:

The Gigi Vibrator

This is probably my #1 toy discovery of the year, though it's been around for a bit. The curve on this toy is delightful for self-stimulation of the g-spot, and it makes for sexy couple play if you want to help a lover discover it with you.

It's made of silicone, charges via the wall, and gets 2 hour playtime. I love the vibration settings particularly, though you do need to spend a little time to acquaint yourself with the button settings. Also, Gigi comes with a pretty little storage bag!

The Wand Controller

I reviewed this toy rather recently but I am totally in love with it. I adore my Hitachi Magic Wand, but the two settings left me either on the edge or literally slapping feeling back into my cunt. The wand controller was a godsend, giving me a range of vibration intensity to play with. It was like having a new sex toy.

In addition, the wand controller adds another 6 feet to the cord of the Hitachi, which is pretty nice. It's pretty easy to manage, just plug and play!

Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula

This is a really lovely lubricant. I have issues with lots of lubes- as I don't get very wet, many of them get too sticky for practical purposes, while others make me feel unpleasantly itchy due to the glycerin. Well, this lube is happily glycerin- and paraben- free! In addition, the thick formula stays right where you put it- something really important for anal play.

Also important, it's vegan, gluten-free, and not tested on animals.


So, that's my picks for Babeland toys to check out and play with from 2010. What will 2011 bring? Stay tuned....

Half Naked Thursday (or any day ending in y)

So I've never participated in these online Twitter or blog memes of Wanton Wednesday or TMI Tuesday. But why not start now with Half Naked Thursday, especially as I'm half naked a lot of the time? So, without further ado, here goes- feedback welcome. :)

fuck this scarlet letter bullshit.

I was just reading an article by the lovely Penny Barber over at the Good Vibrations blog. It's an article about a sex worker's greatest fear- that the work you do or have done in the past will have legal consequences, like hurting you in legal proceedings, getting your child taken away from you, or making it difficult or impossible to get another job down the line.

I'm particularly... touched? appalled? by this story about Kendra Holliday, the Missouri-based author of The Beautiful Kind blog. To be clear- she's not a sex worker. She hasn't done anything illegal. She's just a bisexual, polyamorous, joyously partnered divorced mother discussing her experiences, answering questions and offering advice to people via her blog. But blogging about her sexual experiences has cost her a job in April, and now, potentially, custody of her child. 


It's not the first time. Dominatrix model Mz. Berlin suffered a similar situation in 2009. It started with her being (fairly, I think) pissed off and responding to an article Matt Smith (not the Doctor) wrote for SF Weekly about the action going on at kink.com, equating consensual BDSM with non consensual torture. After being bitchslapped by the BDSM community in SF, he wrote a piece whinging about how these kinky people are just TOO SENSITIVE, geez. In writing that article, he outed the real name of Mz. Berlin, despite her ACTIVELY COMMUNICATED desire for him not to do so. Because of that, her ex-husband used the story to bring a court case against Mz. Berlin for visitation rights of her son, She lost the right to see her child- even though the work she did was legal and not a reflection of her parenting skills at all. And Matt Smith was trying to bash kink.com for their treatment of women..? He doesn't seem to be the best to debate consent, considering.


The scariest parallel to me is that on both cases, this came about from media outing of the sex workers in question. In Mz. Berlin's case, it was a non consensual outing, an abuse of trust by a journalist.  But Kendra came out of her own accord, on National Coming Out Day, October 11th. "For every sex negative email I received this week, I got 10 or 20 positive emails. You know what this means? The human race is on my side. People have been overwhelmingly supportive - so far," she said... unfortunate foreshadowing, as she then gets told she can't be around her daughter's friends (prompting a funny Midwest version of her coming out article) and has her custody contested by her ex-husband. She was so proud to be out... and then was slapped down by a society that wishes to shame and punish her for having a sexual life. Hell, the article that was published about her starts off with the provocative and unnecessary "Kendra Holliday is a total slut. Go right ahead and say it — she does". Way to slut-shame while seeming edgy!


It's truly repulsive.


Then I think about Girl With a One-Track Mind blogger Zoe Margolis, and her outing by the press. She, too, lost her job in the film industry because of being outed- again, despite not having done anything wrong. Zoe wrote about how violated she felt, how angry- "It’s like I am living in some alternate dimension where nothing seems real, and I am stuck in a kind of nightmare," she writes a week afterwards, and I have to ask myself- how is that ok? How is it ok to out someone like this? How is it ok to make a woman feel shitty for talking about her sexuality? How has this not changed in four years?


Or there is, of course, Belle de Jour's Diary, written by ex-escort Brooke Magnanti. However, here, there's some hope, at least for UK based sex bloggers and workers- Brooke didn't deal with the same issues at her workplace. There wasn't the same slut-shaming- in fact, Bristol University said "This aspect of Dr Magnanti's past is not relevant to her current role at the university," which is basically amazing. BUT IT SHOULDN'T BE. That should be the norm!


I know it's been a big deal for me to have my face out there as a middle class indoor-working sex worker. I do keep certain aspects of my life shrouded in some mystery, just to keep myself safe, but I will totally fucking fight anyone trying to take my life away from me for being a sexual being. And I think that should be true for all people, though my heart especially goes out to the women caught up in this. It's ridiculous that women are subject to objectification and the gaze and male privilege all the fucking time, and when we speak up and say "actually, we're sexual creatures too", we lose jobs, relationships, children.


FUCK THAT NOISE.


If you want to help do something about it, may I suggest starting by supporting Kendra Holliday's legal battle, because how this turns out can and will affect any other sexually open woman (and man, actually). Or you can donate to the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund in her name. Or make yourself aware of kink-aware professionals in your area and support them/use them when you can or need to. Or support Backlash, out in the UK, who is also working to fight this sort of absurdity. 


I used to have a shirt that said "sluts unite". If there was ever a time... it's now. 

Review: Solar Bullet

I'm not the biggest hippie in the world, but this is probably one of the niftiest ideas I've seen- a bullet vibe that's solar powered, from Babeland.

It's funny, really- I got this toy right when the fog rolled in for the winter. Oh, irony, to have a solar bullet and no sun!

Thankfully, there were a couple of days of sun tucked away in there, so I got a chance to charge up this little toy and give it a whirl. I was really curious- I love the idea of sustainable toys, whether they be rechargeable via the wall or from catching some rays. Plus, I enjoy camping, go to Burning Man and related events, and love sex outside, so what could be better?

You can, of course, just charge the solar panel in your car, say, without anyone ever knowing that you plan to wank with that power later. Yes, the vibration is very buzzy, which isn't my favorite type of vibration, but it will work really well on a tied up helpless boy. Thankfully I often have one of those around, with very sensitive nipples and an even more sensitive cock head.

I definitely recommend this solar bullet vibe to anyone who likes a faster, lighter buzz sensation! Get one at Babeland for your green, tree-hugging lover.

Girlcock- How to Pick a Harness/Dildo

I like it when a man sucks my strap on. There’s something invigorating about it, watching his eyes widen as he takes it into his mouth, kneeling there at my feet. I love watching the skin in his cheeks stretch as he manipulates my cock with his tongue. And I like the feel of being strapped in, the harness hugging my ass and thighs. I like to run my fingers through a man’s hair as I gently but insistently fuck his mouth.

It’s interesting- I identify as female-to-femme, a drag queen in a girl body. I don’t necessarily feel like I am lacking a cock, and yet, when I strap one on, it is as much a part of myself as my arm. My cock is silicone, and it doesn’t even  settle on my clit or have a vibrator in it- but I psychologically feel the blow job coursing through me, and it feels right, somehow. And I enjoy that it’s queer and subversive, for my intellectual pleasure rather than some physical one- it just ticks a lot of sexy boxes for me. Never mind that having a willing boy or girl using their tongue devotedly on my cock is street legal… or close enough.

It’s not just blow jobs I love about strap on play, though. I also really enjoy penetrative play. There’s something about having one hand on a boy’s ass, the other in his hair pulling his head back as I thrust into him, smug in knowing that my hard on will last as long as it needs to. Or seeing that moment of anticipation as I roll a condom onto my cock, one of her legs draped over my shoulder as I nudge the head of my strap on past her labia lips… mmm. It just satisfies something primal in me.

It took me a long time to settle on my cock and my strap on harness. There’s quite a few out there now to choose from! Different people have different preferences for a harness- some want something pretty, others want something functional, still others want something that passes. I think your choice will depend a lot on where and when you want to wear it, and around who. If you want a harness that’ll be equally as comfy for sex as for packing, the Spareparts Joque harness or the spandex harness may be ideal for you. If you want to try strap on play and aren’t really sure, I quite liked the velvet corsette harness- I find the corset at the back to give some extra stability, and you can put it in the washing machine. If you’re more into the look and sturdiness of leather, there’s lots to choose from, from slightly Wild West inspired ones to low-riding ones- personally, my first harness that I bonded with was the simple and effective Terra Firma. And don’t forget to get creative with this- it’s not just for women! People with disabilities that prevent genital-to-genital contact may find a thigh harness is a great workaround to allow them to thrust into their partner, allowing that physical closeness. A Mistress who wants penetrative sex but wants to tease a male partner may only let her submissive use a strap on harness instead of his cock. You can even use a harness to strap a dildo onto a chair for solo play. You might even want different ones for different occasions! Keep in mind that many harnesses are adjustable, so pick a harness that can fit to your body in a way you’ll feel sexy about.

So, once you’ve picked your harness, what sort of cock are you going to get? There’s a lot to choose from, shapes realistic and not, all sorts of materials. And of course, there’s size. Size matters, as does shape- I really like thick and blunt, like the Outlaw, as opposed to the somewhat more narrow Siren. Personally, as silicone toys can be a bit pricey, I suggest buying the kind of toy you’re interested in made of a cheaper material- this way you can see how you feel about the length, the girth, and the style before you plunk down for a fancier toy.  Just remember that a lot of materials are porous and therefore aren’t able to be fully sterilized the way silicone is, so either use condoms on your toys or keep the toy with the lover.

Also keep in mind fleshiness! I bought a gorgeous cock once only to find that when I wore it I lost 2″ because of my stomach and my partner’s ass losing us an inch each side… so I had to get a new one. I started with something very similar to the Majesty dildo for use on me via a strap on, and got a simple, medium sized Silk one for my anal play adventures. Once you’ve tried that out, the fun really begins- maybe you want a non-realistic dildo with a lot of texture like the Rippler, or one perfect for anal play like Your Highness. If you want more realism, try Buck, or maybe Bandit- both are made with Vixskin, a material that’s silicone but has a more realistic texture to it. The Slinger is really nice for G-spot play. You could also have a lot of fun turning an Understudy kit into a dildo for use on the person you molded! If you want more info and suggestions on picking a dildo definitely read about it here.

Finally, those are suggestions on the basics- harnesses and dildos. However there’s some other fun to be had in this department. Double ended dildoes Nexus, and shaped in a way for comfortable non-harness sex. The rocking motion when you have the Nexus in makes for the pleasure of both people, though you may find it a little easier if you hold one of these double dildoes in (I found the shapes were hard for my kegals to cling to!) I haven’t gotten to try the Share double dildo but imagine that the design may be a bit easier to manage. I recommend the one wearing the double dildo be lying down and the other partner climbing on top for the most enjoyment, though it’s also great for blow jobs.

If the double isn’t your speed but you’d like to get some buzz out of strap on play too, consider getting a harness or dildo that has a vibe built in. Or, do what I do- I get out my Rock Chick, and slip that in, using the harness to hold it in place. Thus every time I thrust I get another rock of the toy inside me, pressing against my g-spot, and the vibration against my clitoris. It’s quite lovely.

So once you have the toys, then what? How do you bring this up with a partner? I recommend checking out the Adventurous Couples’ Guide to Strap On Sex or the Whole Lesbian Sex Book as a place to start. Or watch some hot porn- my favorite way to encourage sexual exploration! Bend Over Boyfriend has real couples learning about and experimenting with women strapping it on to fuck their menfolks’ asses, and most of  Crash Pad’s work has queer strap on play in it. Watching other people having a hot time with this kind of play may lube the path of communication!

I’ll be doing a follow up discussing the various erotic possibilities when you introduce a strap on into your play, but I’m hoping this gives readers a good place to begin. Did I miss something you wanted to know? Ask in the comments and I’ll try to address it in my next article!

(Originally posted at Good Vibrations magazine)

Holiday Traditions

You know about this tradition, right? The hanging of stockings, decorating the Christmas tree, lighting the menorah, baking holiday cookies, asking the holiday vulva for sex toy advice. Wait, what? Yes, Babeland now has a Holiday Vulva available to give you recommendations for your bedroom antics!



I imagine I'd ask the Holiday Vulva what do you get the girl who has a library of sexuality books and a toybox of toys? What's something really different and innovative?

Though, I kind of know the answer- there's a couple things on Babeland's Holiday Gift Guide, like the Form 3 vibrator or the brightly colored Toyfriend collection, that would fit the bill nicely!

Even better is the daily deal you can get each day, for the 12 days leading up to Christmas, from Babeland- all sorts of really good deals (like today's buy a gift from the gift guide, get a Delight Kit free), so check it out!

Review: "Roulette: Toronto"

I know a girl- a hot, genderfucking dandy of a girl- who lives up in the cold northern territory of Toronto, Canada. She was my co-founder of Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society, out in London, along with being my lover and friend. I still haven't gotten to go up to Toronto to see her, sadly, and I miss her terribly.

When I saw that there was a "Roulette: Toronto" available from Good Vibrations... I had to see it. In honor of her, really. Plus I really loved the last Roulette I had seen, so I was looking forward to seeing the newest installment (and there's a few- "Roulette: Berlin" is one I'm also looking forward to checking out, and there's "Roulette: Dirty South" too).

The first scene is a really hot one between Courtney Trouble, who directs the whole film, and Judy Minx, a really cute, big-eyed girl who looks as pretty when laughing as when tearing up. Yum. This scene is full of squirting, face slapping, cunt spanking, and writing on the body with makeup. Really sexy femme-on-femme scene. I loved the playfulness and roughness in the scene. A lot of spit. A lot. Pretty hot. The music was a bit distracting though. I love the choice of music, I just prefer to hear girl moans. :)

As for the next scene, the boy said it best- "I didn't think I was going to be seeing queer ballet porn today". It's a scene between Jiz Lee, River Turner and Drew Deveaux, going from a dance class to a really sexy, androgynous, spandex threesome in a dance studio. Lots of lithe bodies entwined, many gloved hands going up wet cunts... some spanking, echoing in the studio, which was quite fun. The body awareness and movement in this indicated to me that they might, in fact, have dance experience- there's a consciousness that's pretty sexy.

Then we have April Flores, booking a "leggy brunette" escort- I love how her red hair matches her shiny red stilettos. Nice touch. "Flattering outfit," commented the boy, and it's true- April has one a sheer lingerie set that really emphasizes her curves. Well, who should come to the door but the delicious Dylan Ryan, looking pretty femme compared to how I've normally seen her! They get right down to it, which I find funny- in my experience, there's usually a cuppa that happens first, or a glass of wine, but that makes for dull porn I'm sure. Dylan gives April some head, and then gets her hands wet- there's armpit licking, spanking, and the Njoy Eleven stainless steel dildo. "Is she slapping her tits against her cunt? That's amazing!" said the boy, remarking wistfully "sometimes I wish I was a girl so you could slap your tits against my cunt". 


Finally, there's the scene with Scout and Lascivia Liberty- I love Scout's binding with a leather harness, that's really sexy, and the naturalness of the sex was super sexy- plus the rapport between the performers, the body types, and the multiple gushing moments made the boy say it was his favourite scene so far. He was wrapping Christmas presents for me, and this was the scene that distracted him the most, so that should tell you something! And, as he pointed out, only in queer porn would you hear "oh, it's ok if it won't go in". 

There's also a bonus scene shot in Vegas with Dia Zerva and her real life lover Wordman. The story goes that Wordman installed a stripper pole to surprise his lover- she does some tricks on the pole before they get down to some cunnilingus and fingering... yummy. To be honest, Wordman is totally not my type- as the boy said, "I think I could be happy never seeing a white, bald cisman with a goatee in a black shirt"... and yeah, I'm inclined to agree, but hey, real life couple stuff trumps that for me.  Seeing the chemistry that happens when you've been together for a while is super sexy. And the slow blowjob was pretty hot.

The things I love about queer porn were definitely present here. Genderqueerness. Body variety. Laughing during sex. Body hair. Body fluids. Negotiation/communication being seen during sex. Kinky play. Camera angles that show the connection, not just pink bits. All really nice. And this is the second time Courtney has suggested in porn the idea of women being sex work clients, which I really, really like- it's about time women saw themselves as consumers within the sex industry.

So, yeah, I liked this "Roulette" a lot, and definitely would recommend watching it. It's very girl-heavy, so if that's what you want from your queer porn, this would be a good one to check out! Plus it might be a little more accessible to the queer girl with a straight boyfriend- this may change his tastes a bit. ;)

Available at Good Vibrations in multiple formats, including ones you can download if you're not in the US, so the region thing isn't an issue. Yay!

jealousy is more than just a monster.

I was on the forums, a place of infinite frustration and annoyance to me sometimes, when I came across that old favourite- "poly people should try to move beyond jealousy". Oh for christ's sake. Ok, I get it- jealousy stems from a bit of "fear of missing out", or FOMA, a bit of hurt and maybe competitiveness, and a lot of insecurity. And sure, it's good to think about your insecurity, and challenge it, and double check that it comes from a reasonable place.

But sometimes it DOES. Sometimes it isn't unreasonable. Trust cane be broken, gut feelings can be right, and your lover's new crush can mean you're relegated to the sidelines. It happens. And it's so frustrating to see poly or nonmonogamous people struggling with these things being told over and over to suck it up because the green eyed monster is some reflection of their own personal failings. FUCK THAT NOISE.

I also want to mention that books like the "Ethical Slut" and "Opening Up", long considered poly bibles, actually tell you just that- jealousy is perfectly natural and ok to feel, and you shoudn't have to feel like it's something to get over, rather, it's something to address. I'm all about personal work, but it's also on your partner to make sure you feel as safe as they can. Or, they should let you go, if what you need to feel safe isn't something they can provide.

In addition, and I kind of mentioned this in another post- with monogamy, it's very clear cut. Your partner loses your trust, and it's simple- to gain it back, they don't do the thing they did to lose it- like, say, sleeping with or making out with someone else. Easy enough to tell when the rules have been broken. With poly, though, if I don't trust the boy going on a date with someone because he hasn't communicated honestly about the intentions of this date, how do I then tell when he's followed or broken that rule? And more to the point, it's a lot harder to feel safe when you have to put your lover in the exact situation they fucked up before and hope they don't fuck it up again! When poly trust is broken, it's like dealing with all the issues of infidelity, knowing they will be practicing infidelity again, just maybe better this time (granted, I'm bitter right now, so that's my bias).

Because, to be honest, a lot more people claim to be poly than actually have the ethical responsibility for polyamory. A lot of people use it to justify manipulative behaviors and cheating. They bend or break rules and whine 'but we're poly, we shouldn't need rules". It's bullshit and it really angers me. 

Anyway. Carry on.

Review: Gigi

I wish I was musically inclined. I would sing the most rockingest love ballad to Gigi, the vibrator you see here. Oh. My. Goodness. Thanks to Good Vibrations "Vibrate the Vote" contest, I won this baby and couldn't wait to give it a go!

I had played with the Gigi before, when on a playdate with a friend, but we had only explored its possibilities vibrating against my clit. It's great for that- it has 5 modes, 3 of those being constant vibration increasing in intensity. Gigi is pretty quiet, too, and rechargeable- one hour plugged in will give you one and a half hours of playtime, so it'll be there for you when you need it!

But! But. As great as the vibration against your clit is, thanks to the flat head of the toy, that isn't what makes it so amazing to me. Oh no.

This toy, so far, has not failed to make me squirt- every time. I'm not terribly consistent with squirting- it takes a bit of tempting- but with Gigi on my side I can't stop. It's fantastic. I mean, don't forget to prepare for that (lay down some towels, trust me, I know) but it's lovely for getting you to gush. I found to to be equally enjoyable when on my back, thrusting in, or on my belly, rocking against it.

It comes in a lovely box and a silky white bag- the perfect carrying case. The coloured bit is medical grade silicone, which warms nicely to your body. I think anyone would be delighted to find Gigi reclining under their tree this holiday season!

Review: G-Ki

So I always knew I had a G-spot.

Ok, that's not exactly true. I always knew it felt really, really nice to stick my fingers in my cunt and wriggle them when I peed, but I didn't know why. I just knew I liked it a whole lot, figured I was weird, and shrugged it off.

Finding a toy that would stimulate my G-spot came way, way later. I mean, I've written about the G-spot before- my frustration at it being considered a magical spot (it's the urethral sponge, that's all) of guaranteed pleasure (not everyone likes the way it feels, it's pretty intense!) and how men treated it over and over like a Quest that would give them +10 stud points when they found it. I've definitely had guys who mauled my innards to prove themselves and their sexual prowess. I've known two men who make me squirt no matter what, whether I want to or not, and a part of me felt a little... overattached to them, I guess. They had the magic touch, right?

Well, no more!

Babeland sent me the G-Ki to test out, and oooooo boy! This is a fantastic toy.

First off- waterproof, rechargeable body. So when you gush all over yourself, the toy, and the bed, never mind your lover (if you let them drive ;) ) it won't matter because the toy is splashproof! And the rechargeable means you get a full 2 hours of vibrating lovin'. What I particularly liked was the magnetic hookup- instead of plugging this in, a magnet attaches the charger to the toy via the buttons that power it. Pretty nifty.

Secondly? It's adjustable. There are two points of articulation, and you can lock the toy in place at those points. See the images above to see the other two shapes you can sculpt it into. I found the left shape to be best for someone else holding the toy, and the shape on the right best for rocking back and forth on it using the palm of my hand. It means that it feels like you've got three toys instead of one!

Finally, with 5 speeds/variations, there's enough going on with this toy to make it a bedside staple. It looks like a piece of art, anyway, so you won't feel embarrassed to have it on your nightstand. It comes in purple, black, and rose, and arrives in a beautiful box. For presentation, this is one luxury toy.

Curious? Want to try one out? Get the G-Ki at Babeland this holiday season and give it to someone special... like yourself! ;)

polyamouraint

I've had a long struggle with polyamory.

I love the idea of it. I want to be up for it. I've done it, happily, before, but never as the primary. I was always Girl #2, the unicorn in the closet for when a couple wanted sexyfuntimes. And it wasn't a bad way to do it- I had freedom to do my own thing, but also had a point of stability. Well, sort of, anyway. But being the secondary means that you have to step back when the couple needs to work on their issues, that you'll probably not meet the family or be included in that way. And that can kind of suck.

Currently I have a primary. And I'm really worried. I mean, ok, our relationship has been rocked a few times by our attempts at nonmonogamy- bad communication has led to me feeling really raw. Trust has been broken, or I've felt like trust has been broken, and now... I don't know if I can share. Maybe the relationship is too broken. Maybe we need time to heal first?

I thought I was good at this. So why is it that every time the boy goes out with a girl, and they talk about potential play, I feel like I'm going to throw up and I just want to break it off? I don't think it's even jealousy anymore, it's just fear, straight up gut-crunching fear. And part of that is because I have such a hard time forgiving him for the fuckups of the past. Instead I feel like I just continually punish him- or I try to forgive him, and he missteps in some other, new way, and I'm back to reeling, confused and uncomfortable.

Articles about infidelity tell you if you want to maintain the relationship, you need to forgive and go to counseling or have other solutions in place. Obviously that works a lot better for monogamy- if that partner has an affair again it's pretty unforgivable. But with nonmonogamy it's hard to tell when you're healed enough or when you're going to be healed enough to take that ginger first step back into trust. Meanwhile your partner is impatient, and maybe, like me, you're kinda sorta seeing other people yourself, so there's a lot of pressure to give up your own lovers or allow your partner freedom, just praying they don't break your trust again. I feel pretty lost and confused.

I've questioned if the boy and I should just take time off, where he can sleep around and do ageplay with people and I can just have a lot of space to deal with my feelings. I'm not sure. I guess I still feel, and have felt for a while, that novelty is still more interesting than, well, me, and I am exhausted from feeling useless. I don't know if I should just give up with nonmonogamy and try being monogamous instead. I feel certain that it'll make me miserable. So then how do I get to a place where I can trust the boy enough for us to be nonmonogamous? Time? Therapy?

I'm just so tired of feeling this way, like I have to be on guard.

queer sex works

When I tell people I'm a happy, out, queer sex worker, they think I'm nuts.


How could I possibly get clients when I tell them I identify as queer, female-to-femme, and refuse to wear the trappings of "sexy femininity" to our sessions? How can a grrl get sex work when she wears jeans, geeky teeshirts, and converse sneakers as often as stockings and heels? When she actively talks about preferring women and trans people to men, rants about feminism and issues with "forced" bisexuality and feminization, and polyamory?


Well, I can't say I've found it to be much of an issue.


I have this image up because it was in the Sunday Sport, an incredibly heterosexist "newspaper" that basically serves to sandwich many, many photos of babes n' boobs with tiny scraps of sensationalist "news". I was asked to do an interview for them, and was initially somewhat hesitant, but when I was allowed to view the proof before publication I was actually almost impressed. And having the headline be "I love it when they suck my strap on" puts a little touch of queer sensuality into a community of people who would never have considered it before. What makes the act of sucking a strap on even more subversive, to me, is that with pegging, it's simple, people get it- anal sex feels nice for men, even if it might make them gay. ::cough:: But with sucking a strap on, it's not about the client's penis at all- it's about them pleasuring me, in that psychological way that sucking a femme's strap on does, and I love that.


Never mind that queer sex has given me a lot of ideas on how to deal with other variations in bodies- when you learn to use a thigh harness, for example, it doesn't matter so much if you can't feel your cock or move your legs- there's ways around that to have sexual experiences. I can't count the number of times my personal experiences have informed professional ones!


It's also been interesting, the more I chat with other girls who webcam, or dance at a peep show, or do Domme work or escorting. I know a LOT of queer sex workers. Like, most of the ones I know identify as queer, at least in California. Which isn't terribly surprising- Michelle Tea's Rent Girl discusses her experiences as a queer escort, for example, and how she had sex with men at work but with women at home, and I know a few people who follow the same idea. My personal upfrontness about my queerness has gotten me sessions with women curious to play with another woman, and yet also attracts men curious about genderfuck (and even a few who are just attracted to my ability to discourse). It's fantastic and leads me to believe that you can, in fact, bring your politics into the work bedroom and have it work out quite well actually. I love refusing to be invisible and on my terms.


It's not just in the world of escorting/Domming that queer sensibilities are popping up, either. Actually, the thing that inspired this post is how exciting the world of queer porn has gotten- and it's just getting better, as this Good Vibrations post points out. Where there was assumed to be no market, one is being created, with quality smut to satisfy all sorts of interests. I've definitely brought your attention to Cyber Dyke, excellent (and local!) lesbian content that embraces all sorts of bodies, and I've reviewed several porn movies that showcased queer talent, like Crash Pad and Speakeasy. I have a huge amount of admiration for Jiz Lee, a genderqueer, feminist porn performer (interviewed here) who insists the mainstream companies they work for use their gender neutral pronouns, thus making genderqueerness visible in a heternormative, cissexist industry. One orgasm at a time, people like Shine Louise Houston, Courtney Trouble, Madison Young and Roxxie are making the world of porn a safe, fun, and accessible place for queer bodies and people. Kelly Shibari's site Padded Kink, which I just shot for, isn't necessarily queer but I found shooting with her to be very sensitive to my queerness, which was excellent.


Well, with that in mind, may I recommend Queer Porn TV, a new project spearheaded by Courtney Trouble and Tina Horn?


Four snippets from their awesome manifesto that I applauded heartily-

"Queer Porn TV:

is an open forum to lend a voice to queer porn as it is being made

and to the community that makes it

facilitates spontaneous, nasty sexuality with a transparent sleaze

that boldly proclaims we are not ashamed of our identities and desires

does not say what is and is not sex, what is and is not hot,

and what is and is not queer

will showcase sex that people want to perform as opposed to

the sex that we expect audiences wants to see"

Brilliant, no? The idea is to create a porn website that can contribute and vocalize in the discourse of feminism, queer rights, trans rights, kink rights (and, I'll assume, sex worker rights). With video interviews with the stars, a glossary of Queer TV terms and the free QuTube, a queer-focused version of X-tube that anyone can upload content to, this is porn for queers, by queers. I love it. I especially love that it's not just queer women, either. There's also QPTV Live, which reports on the community all this hot queer smut is inspired by and coming from. I think this is a big deal- the next step for queer porn, really.

So give Queer Porn TV a look (click on the banner below to throw some commission my way), and, if you feel so inclined, get a membership- I recommend it, because we want to encourage hot porn produced by people who enjoy what they're doing. Lets prove that we ARE a viable market worth catering too, and that we want our sex to reflect our realities and fantasies. I'm really looking forward to seeing what sort of content QPTV develops... who knows, maybe one day I'll be on there too! 

Review: Deck the Halls Kit

Holidays are stressful times. All the cooking, the family time, the pressure to get presents, the pressure to get the house tidy for entertaining, travel plans... whew. It's enough to drive anyone mad!

Well, how excellent is this compact set of toys? The Deck the Halls kit from Good Vibrations is a great idea for a stocking stuffer!

This kit centers around the Full House battery pack and a couple of interchangeable bullets. The battery pack takes three double A batteries (included, so yay for that) and the pack has 3 intensities and 4 pulsing patterns. The right button scrolls through the settings, the left is a quick shut off- both are easy to navigate with slippery fingers!  Then, you can add the bullet of your choice via the jack at the top- this kit comes with an Ace and a Queen bullet. The Ace is a teeny little buzzy vibe, about the size of a bee! It's adorable, though with such a small motor it's a bit too buzzy for my tastes. I imagine it'll be fantastic for nipple play or on the head of a cock, though. The Queen bullet was more my taste, an hourglass shaped bullet with a little more oomph to its vibration. The kit comes with these two bullets in silver- you can also get others separately in a velvety black, or the standard bullet vibe style, here called the King. 

In addition to the batteries, this kit comes with a 2oz Please liquid lubricant. You know what that means- you can get started right away. ;)

Big thumbs up for this being such an adaptable toy. I love having something easy to bring with me (and this packs small!) that I can vary sensation with, and the Deck the Halls set fulfills that desire for novelty. You could spend lots of time exploring which sensations you like where. I think this is one of the better stocking stuffer possibilities out there. Check it and other toys out at Good Vibrations- purchases of $50 or more get free shipping!

dysfunctional

My fingertips, almost every single one, are either bleeding or have scabs. I have been so anxious for the last week that I've had to repaint my nails 4 times, and try as I might to keep myself from biting my cuticles, it hasn't helped.


I should be happy, right? I should be excited. Instead I'm nervous, the other side of the fluttery-stomach coin. Nervous because, after a little over two months, the boy is coming to see me, and I have no idea how that's going to go. We'e fought probably every week, some worse than others. He asked me if I missed him and I hesitated. I miss how things were... but will they every be that way again? Maybe the new relationship energy has flickered out with all the distance.


Right now he's off at an adult baby nursery, my attempt at a concession and compromise. Their site says they don't do anything sexual, but in a way, that's not what scares me. What scares me is this intimacy, so quickly shared with me, can just as easily be quickly transferred. I'm not exactly jealous as I am hurt, but then, this was my idea and done with my permission so it's my own damn fault I feel sick now. And I didn't know what else to suggest. It kills me that I don't feel like I make him feel safe or happy. 


I was excited and awake when we spoke last night- I had gotten beautiful flowers from him, and art, and some toys from Good Vibrations to test that I was happy about. I was really feeling snuggly and safe and even ok, I thought, with this session he was going to. I don't really know what happened- he says I picked a fight, I think he got jealous about another guy in my life and his sarcasm got me on the defensive, but whatever- next thing I know we're fighting, I don't want a story from him anymore and in fact begin to wonder if we can make this relationship work. 


He went off to this session with me not sure if I wanted to talk to him again- and then becoming sick with worry because there's snow everywhere, he's a new driver and I didn't want him to crash and die without me telling him I loved him, but I also didn't want him to think things were ok. He was late, because he stayed an extra hour to read me this story (not that he told me til after). And I've had 5 hours of sleep because I don't know if I'd rather it went well or terribly, and I love him and hate him all at once.


It's niggled in my head before- maybe I should leave him for his own good, give him time to find himself and sort his head out. It hurts so much to think about, but is that ripping the bandaid off instead of just letting us die a slow, painful death? I don't know. I know he loves me, or strongly believes he does, but I also know that his self-awareness is terrible. It could be codependency. I don't know.


I know what this is about. This is about trust. He's broken my trust before and a lot of my fears have to do with worries, not that he has ulterior motives, but rather that he just won't think. I know that if he goes to this session and comes back to me calmer and happy I should feel better, like I can trust him more. Instead I feel like I want to withdraw, to hide myself in a fetal position and not come out. It's a childishness I hate in myself. Is this love, or madness? Can this ever be healthy? Is it already dead?


I love him. 


I must, because if I didn't it wouldn't hurt so much and I wouldn't hesitate to drop him and move on. 


Apparently my friends aren't terribly good at questioning if he's not just another E, or something similar. I don't think he's as cruel or careless, though he's controlling in his own way- letting me go play with others and then being jealous and angry when I do. But I question entangling myself in his life any further when his emotional instability keeps battering itself again my own. The boy's in therapy, something E refused to do, and that's something, but is it enough? None of these things on their own are that bad, they just accumulate. I want to wipe the slate clean but don't know how. 


I feel like what I really need is his arms around me to know what my heart needs, but that has to wait. Waiting, waiting, waiting, I feel like all I do is wait. Wait for divorce, wait for the visa, wait for the boy to get home, wait for him to wake up, wait for permission, wait for the explosion. 


Antoine de Saint-Exupery said "Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction". Can we manage that? The boy, my little fox... he's tamed me as surely as I've tamed him, and it wrenches at my heart. Is this love, or just suffering? Am I capable of having a healthy relationship, ever? How broken am I?

He comes in 5 days. Am I ready?

Gift Guide 4: The Holiday Hamper

Now that's a holiday card! Xmas deer gimp card, exclusively from CCK

A hamper means something very different to Americans than it does to the Brits, I find. We put dirty clothes in hampers- they put delicious food and holiday treats. Which hamper would you rather have delivered to your door? Apparently we call them "gift baskets"... I like hampers better, I must say.

Christmas hampers have a long history of being something given as a charity object- a wicker box filled with food, drink, and household supplies, with the holiday one maybe including festive bits and toys as well. Rather recently they've become something you can gift to others- often somewhat extravagant, but sometimes a neat little selection of nice things. It's perfect for the person who wants to give a lover or friend a selection of items but is too busy to put together a good array of goodies. Here I give some British and American examples filled with all sorts of lovely things- maybe you'll feel tempted to give someone a hamper for your holiday..?

For the Bathing Beauty: The Noir Hamper

A Paris vibrating duckie, resplendent in a removable feather boa and with a little sparkling jewel on her beak, reclines gracefully in this hamper created by Coffee, Cake, and Kink.

Filled with FYI Chocolates, Monmouth coffee, glamorous nipple adornments and luxuriously packaged condoms, along with other goodies, this is a perfect hamper for that pinup princess or sultry sweetheart in your life.

For the Discerning Foodie: The Classic Christmas Hamper 

Who else but the glorious Fortnum and Mason could create such an array of foodstuffs? It's definitely a slice of Britain, with orange marmalade, Christmas pudding, cognac butter and mulling spices. Mmm.

And of course it wouldn't be British without multiple types of alcohol, would it? A light white wine, a sparkling wine, and, naturally, a claret (anyone who's watched "Supersizers Go" with me will laugh at that). But don't worry, there's also tea and biscuits, and apparently a musical biscuit tin- totally magical and fun.

For the Person Always Baking Holiday Goodies: Penzeys Baker Assortment

I don't know about you, but for me the holidays means lots of sweet, spicy smells coming from the kitchen. Cinnamon, vanilla, cloves, nutmeg- these are what makes Christmas so warm and magical. Well, this is one of my favourite spice companies, with a fantastic selection of spices to please any baker. Two kinds of cinnamon, ground ginger, vanilla extract, minced lemon zest, cocoa, poppy seeds, cardamom, and cloves means that this, once given away, may well give back to you- in the form of sweet breads, family cookies, and rich pies. Yum.

For the Cruelty Conscious: the Vegan Cookie Gift Basket

It can be hard to find special treats for the vegans in your life, and with all the Christmas food it can be even harder to feel included in the holiday cheer- so I was really happy to find a vegan cookie selection that can be sent off for the festivities!

With Chocolate Chip, Peanut Butter, Lemony Lemon, Oatmeal Raisin Walnut, Banana Nut and Cinnamon Twist to try, what better present can you give?

For the Boy with the Cute Ass: The Keep Busy Hamper

Another delight from Coffee, Cake, and Kink, this box is for the boys- or a glamorous way to suggest anal play to a novice lover! Lelo's toys feature here, as well they should- Lelo makes some of the nicest toys I've ever played with. You get a rechargeable cock ring named Bo, some Mr B lubricant, and a lovely p-spot stimulating toy called Bob. Keep your energy up for the night ahead with Monmouth's delicious coffee and FYI Chocolates.

For the Homesick or Wannabe Brit: The Fortmason Hamper

I know I'm not the only one missing the UK this Christmas, especially as they just got snow (lucky bastards!) This hamper promises to make you feel at home, wherever you are- I don't know if that's true, but you'll certainly feel pleasantly full. With a Christmas cake and pudding, marmalade biscuits, breakfast blend tea and Christmas chutney (what, curry is the national dish after all!) along with many other nom-a-licious things, you'll certainly have that British flair to your holiday table.

For the Gluten-free Glutton: The Happy Holidays Selection

Entertaining is complicated at the best of times- add an allergy into that and it can be hellish! Not an issue with this gluten-free snack selection- it has crackers, cookies, and candy to enjoy. Also included is some smoked salmon, mulling spices and dried cranberries. Yum. The website also has other baskets dedicated to various food allergies, so if gluten-free isn't an issue but soy-free is, give it a look!

Most of these websites have other hampers/gift baskets available- I'm enchanted by several on the Coffee Cake and Kink site, like the Moulin Pourpre hamper, though CCK will also make one up for you specially if you want to change some things around. I think gift baskets and hampers are generally great ideas- if a hamper doesn't suit, maybe take the contents out and put it in a stocking..? Lots of little presents are always more fun to open, at least in my mind!

Wishing you a Leather Christmas- card available at CCK