Saturday, November 26, 2011
But when I do let go of my tendency to micro-manage, when I let my submissive run me a bath or black my boots, I have such a rush. It turns me on that my submissive is taking time out to focus on my needs, and I can relax, which also turns me on. I'm normally juggling so much stuff that being able to just sit and breathe is a huge deal for me. Watching a pretty boy scrub my floor is sexy because he is working to make my life easier- not because he finds it humiliating, or "women's work", but because he gains pleasure in making my life easier... oh, that's hot.
I still don't know how to handle it, though, how to sit back and let stuff be done for me. I was an independent child, and things haven't changed a bit! I struggle to sit down and not do anything, to be treated, because I feel lazy and guilty. And I worry that by having a kink for having things done for me I'm using my partner, I'm taking advantage. So instead I tend to do a lot and then feel resentful. Heh.
I mean, growing up, I knew that even if one some level I wanted to be pampered and treated and serviced, I didn't want to be a "pillow princess", because that was bad. That reluctance to sit back and let someone fuck me without me doing anything back was partially fixed through bondage, which may've been why I tried being submissive originally. I associated bondage with pleasure, because when I was tied up, there was no way for me to focus on the other person. I had to focus on the enjoyable things happening to my body. I'm an overthinker, you see, so I tend to get lost in critical theory when I should just be existing in my body coasting orgasms.
Some tips I've learned for how to accept/manage service:
-Offer a playdate on another day as the service date. This allows you relaxation time during your service but also helps you recognize that you have a scheduled time to "pay them back".
-Consider it a type of intimacy and expression of love- yes, they're doing some work for you, but it's a way they can show you they care.
-Talk to them about discipline. Are they seeking to do things poorly so you can correct them, or are they genuinely interested in doing the job well?
-Realize that as a Dominant you are very likely taking charge of a lot of aspects of the relationship, and it's only fair to get some time off.
-Ask your submissive what they get out of service. A great many service submissives get a sense of peace and serenity from menial tasks. Everyone wins!
I hope this helps you in accepting service into your life. It's a process, and I bet I'll write more about my journey in it!