Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Review: Divine Oral Pleasure Lip Gloss

I loveloveLOVE playing with different sensations. It goes wrong sometimes (like that one time with the cinnamon altoids breath strips) but figging with ginger, mint on my clit, even wasabi lube- I like to experiment. 

Even when I was younger and just starting to experiment, I recall trading a pot of normal water-based lube with some warming lube (my friend, a gay guy, didn't really like the feeling of his asshole burning, go figure). 

But a lot of the stuff made for sex has tons of hype and doesn't really live up to it. I want strong sensations, things that make me back up wide-eyed and say "holy shit that was awesome". 
The Divine Oral Pleasure Lip Gloss from Babeland is such a thing. It looks very unassuming, like any random lip gloss you'd fling in your purse (maybe the "erotic art" written on the side would give it away, but who's looking?). 

Except this stuff draws blood to the surface, creating a warming/cooling effect that is really, really fun. 

When I got it I just tried it as a lip gloss and found it to be good quality- no stickiness, no sickeningly sweet aftertaste, just a pleasant, mild flavor (they describe it as strawberries and champagne- it's certainly sweet and a bit fruity) and glossy shiny lips. Lovely! The first image is of the gloss over Mac lipstick, this image is just on its own. 

It takes about 30 seconds for the sensation to start- a bit of tingling, a touch of warmth every time you breathe over it, but not unpleasant. I enjoyed the fact that it managed to be noticeable without making me feel like my lips were burning off. Perfect balance.

Then, as my usual co-tester,, the boy is really far away, I decided I'd try putting a dab on my clit and seeing how that felt. 

Again, it takes a little bit to kick in, but wow, did it heat up! I had put a dab on my finger and then on my clit, so I might recommend going for a lighter dose- glass to lips to clit, say, for a milder sensation. I adored it though! I loved the feeling of heat, then tingling, and finally coolness that followed the application. 

I did wish I had someone to blow on it for me to I could see how the warming effect felt, but perhaps I'll get to experiment more with that next week...

The Divine Oral Pleasure Lip Gloss would make a great present to someone who you want to encourage to spice up their love life without scaring them off with a vibrator. I'd also suggest it to any femmes who want a little extra vavoom in their toykit/purse/Bag of Holding. 

Thanks Babeland for letting me try it out in exchange for an honest review!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

a bit of an update

Andro-Aperture has taken over my life, mostly in comment moderation. Which is exciting, because that suggests to me that it's an important project that people give a shit about! Awesome :D I'm still figuring out a lot of stuff on Wordpress but it seems pretty positive that it's gotten so much attention and discussion going.

I also started interning at Cleis Press last week, which is really my dream job in many ways. I'm around books all day, books I've loved for years. I get to write event proposals and organize stuff. I get to be myself. And a friend of mine lives down the street, which means I can pop by after work or make my lunch at her place. That's been really cool.

I moved to Oakland and now live with Maggie and Ned Mayhem (along with their dog and two cats) which has been the best fucking thing ever for me! I love being in a space where we talk politics and sex and gender a lot. We have a lot of the same books. And they're nerdy and hot and lovely people, which is great. I feel settled right in. It's a hell of a lot better than living in the hills, that's for damn sure.

Then there was shooting for a Spanx photo project which I'll hopefully get to show you guys some shots from soon! It was with another friend of mine- I dressed as Creampie, and zie was a little girl blowing bubbles and being cute, all while recontexualizing Spanx. Sexy academic time!

And then Pride, which was giant and mental (yay for New York, eh?). We ended up hanging out at the Faery Freedom Village, which was a nice little piece of sanity in super-corporate Prideland. Then I went to Queerly Beloved, met Mendhi Henna (who I'm shooting with for CrashPad on the 9th), got hugs and chatted with Jiz Lee, ogled Maxine and drank PBR like the hipster douche I wish I was sometimes. Hah! Had a great time though, and a lot of fun.

And this Friday I leave for the Playa! Whee!

It's meant that there hasn't been as much free time to blog, though, but if you want to see what I've been working on check out the Andro-Aperture Project!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Review: Sportsheets Diva Harness

I love strapon play, like, a whole lot. But finding a well-fitting harness as a fat girl is not always the easiest thing!

Thanks to MyPleasure, however, I got to try out the Sportsheets Diva Harness, which was made for big hips and thick thighs such as mine. Fantastic, I say! So I whipped it out of the box and tried it right on.

The first thing I noticed was that this entire harness is machine washable- something I've grown to appreciate quite a bit in a strapon harness. The straps are made of nylon webbing and are really long (82"!), making it adjustable to larger body types- if you have extra strap left over, you can always wind it around or tuck it in so there's no fiddly bits. Of course you can also cut it to size! I found adjusting it to fit me easy and quick.

The waist strap is thick, and I didn't have issues with it cutting into my sides, which can be an issue with some harnesses. The straps for between the legs are thin, which I thought might make it uncomfortable but actually meant I could tighten them more than I could have if the straps were longer. The buckles on the straps aren't too difficult, and while I wouldn't want to guarantee it would be easy for someone with agility issues, I think that most people could easily do the adjusting with the harness off, and then pull the straps tight on your body.

The way this fit on me meant that the top of the harness fit under my belly, putting the base of the dildo in the middle of my pubic area- something I prefer, because it means I have good control of the angle my cock is going and something for a lover to push back on.

The front and back, made of a soft-to-touch material, were lightly padded, which was really nice. The larger back is to give some extra support, and since I tend to like strapons that can be a bit heavy, I found that support to be useful in giving me a nice, stiff, sturdy hard on.

Another thing this harness comes with is multiple rings, so you can adjust accordingly to fit the diameter of the toy you're playing with. That's really nice, as some harnesses are stitched in such a way that you're stuck with the ring they come with- these snap right out! The O-rings are rubber (though if you have an allergy you can substitute with a leather or nickel-plated one), and come in 1.5 inch, 1.75 inch, and 2 inch sizes. 

Finally, this isn't a super femme-y harness- there's no corset-y stuff or anything, it's pretty basic, which is handy for someone who doesn't really want ruffles on their harness. You could probably wear this under jeans or a skirt without difficulty.

Plus, there's that bonus that once you're gotten it covered with lube and sex juices and custard (ok, maybe that's just us crazy sex klowns) you can pop it into the washing machine and it's as good as new!

Thanks MyPleasure for letting me review the Diva Harness from Sportsheets- now that Pride is here, maybe I'll get a chance to use it properly! ;)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Pleasurists #135



summer lingerie by Miss-ElizabethRose



Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days.  If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.


Did you miss Pleasurists #134?  Read it all here.  Do you have a review for Pleasurists #136? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday June 26th @ 11:59pm Pacific.


Want a shiny new toy?  All you’ve got to do is enter.




Editor
Scarlet Lotus


On to the reviews…


Vibrators




Dildos




Anal Toys




Toys for Cocks




Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.




BDSM/Fetish




Adult Books & Games




Adult DVDs & Porn




Lingerie




Miscellaneous





Pleasurists adult product review round-up

Sunday, June 19, 2011

the Andro-Aperture Project

So as anyone who's seen me in the past two days knows... I've started a project. The Andro-Aperture Project.


It's a project about the female gaze and erotic male nudes, partially thanks to a lot of people who have doing awesome work on the subject. But one of the things I kept noticing is that the few people who were tackling this issue were, either through choice or circumstance, showing mostly a stereotypical "hot man"- white, cisgendered, able-bodied, muscular, lean, often waxed, often with little to no facial hair. 


Yawn. I mean, yay diversity (and yay for these things happening at all because it's really not the easiest thing ever and when you start these things you get told your blog is annoying and that you're ignoring science or something, but anyway) but that's not really diverse and it doesn't address what I like. Plus Suraya over at Filament tells me they need more images displaying that diversity, because they have to accept 70% of what they get sent to fill the magazine. So I'm doing my own project. I'm playing in my own sandbox, damn it, and I'm not going to be satisfied until I break this thing wide open. From my new blog on the subject (yep, you're gonna have to follow another blog):

"I’m on a mini-crusade for the appreciation of male beauty in all its forms. There aren’t enough images shot for female appreciation and if I have to make and curate it myself well, what else is new. And it’s not enough to have these images taken- no, I want to see as many sexualized male bodies as female bodies in the kinky/sex positive community, as an indication that we agree that diversity is beautiful, that we are, in fact, sex positive and at the forefront of challenging “the norm”. I want club nights designing fliers to consider having a variety of male bodies on their images. I want galleries to show men tied up or tying, being spanked, standing tall in their leather boots- and I want these images to not be ones created for the gay male community and then pushed at women. I want to see faces in agony and pleasure. I want to see erect cock. I want to challenge the knee jerk reaction that “female bodies are just more attractive”. 
Andro-Aperture” is a photography project whose mission is to address the lack of diversity in sexualized masculine iconography (and thanks Maggie Mayhem for the name!). By embracing a variety of men, male, and trans-masculine bodies and presentations as sexy and desirable, we validate different presentations of manliness. We believe increasing the quantity and availability of imagery of the sexualized male body, particularly beyond a gay context, increases social acceptance of these otherwise transgressive expressions. 
The ways in which we seek to do this include: 
  • reflecting diversity in sexy men the way diversity is being embraced for sexy women 
  • showing sexually submissive men as erotic, whether partnered or as a single subject
  • encouraging amateur photographers to experiment with erotic images of diverse male bodies
  • encouraging professional photographers to challenge their assumptions by demonstrating that erotic photos of men made for the female gaze have a market
  • presenting these images in BDSM/sexual spaces and galleries as a way of challenging the notion that women are to be gazed at, men are to gaze"
Maybe buy a badge from
this Etsy seller?
Interested? Well, go check out the Andro-Aperture Project and get involved! I'm going to start writing up some tips and tricks for photographers working with male nudes to help people get into the female gaze/female interest swing of things, hold a meetup here in the Bay Area to get photographers and models together, and get started on creating a visual challenge to the idea that male erotic nudes only appeal to gay men.

Yeah fucking right.

Review: Splendid Garter Belt

I'm always looking for cute pieces to add to my sorry collection of lingerie. It's REALLY hard to find cute things that fit my body well, that are comfy and don't make me look like a poorly-constructed lumpy sausage.

Thankfully, Angelique Lingerie is there to step up to the plate, and, hearing my cry for prettier lingerie, they offered to send me a little something- mysteriously, they only said "something you'd like".

So imagine my delight when I ripped open the box to see they sent me the appropriately named Splendid garter belt! Particularly well-chosen, because I really wanted another garter belt, especially one that was a bit more frilly.

Isn't it adorable? I love all the ruffles. It appeals to my inner femme-iest of femmes. It's black with baby pink edging, made of this super-soft lacey fabric, little pink satin bows, and, my favourite part- it ties in the back with a soft mesh ribbon, instead of a hook and eye closure! The Splendid garter belt comes in two sizes- 1x/2x, which fits a 42-48" waist, and 3x/4x, which fits a 50-56" waist. If you're in between 48" and 51", I'd recommend going with the smaller size, cause these are pretty stretchy.

There's 4 straps coming off this garter belt, two in the front and two in the back- each strap has a bow on the top and bottom of it.The clasps are plastic and a bit fiddly, so give it a test run before you get ready for an evening out or you might get a bit frustrated. However, one they're on, they're on- I wore mine out and the clasps stayed the whole night.  My only frustration was I think mine (a 3x/4x) was a bit too big for me, cause even when I tied it tight it slipped a bit down. So err on the smaller side and you'll be fine!

It's a fantastic piece to add to your lingerie closet, or your costume closet if you're like me and have a biggest costume closet than regular clothes closet. You could even wear this under business clothes, as the ruffles aren't too bulky... no one would even know. Your lover would enjoy slowly untying this, letting the garter belt slip off your luscious hips.... I know the boy will love it next time I see him!

It's pretty easy to take care of this piece, just toss in a delicates bag in your regular wash or hand wash if you prefer. I'd probably let it air dry, just in case, as hot dryers can break the little elastics in underthings!

I had a lot of fun wearing this out, and got lots of compliments. I was super comfy, and the bow stayed tied, which was something I had initially worried about. I think the ruffles looked great on- not too bulky, it looked fun without adding bulk. It'd be great for playing innocent, for a burlesque performer, or for a vintage-y girly-girl look.

Thanks Angelique Lingerie for letting me try one of your Splendid garter belts on for size in exchange for an honest review! Even my friend's cat enjoyed it, as you can see below!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Review: Sweet Beauty Chocolate Body Cream

I love chocolate stuff. Edible body chocolate, chocolate scented candles, dark chocolate bars, chocolate dipped strawberries, all sorts of chocolate things. I'm definitely a dark vs milk person, and prefer milk chocolate when it has peanut butter, caramel, or mint in it.

Chocolate orange is right out though, due to making myself ill at an early age by eating two on Christmas Day one year. Ugh.

So when I got a chance to review this Sweet Beauty chocolate body cream from Babeland, I was thrilled. Oooh, more chocolate stuff to add to my sex life! Awesome!

Well, this review comes with a lesson, free of charge. Listen up kids, cause this is important and will be a life skill that will serve you well in all aspects of your life.

Ready?

I opened up the jar and immediately felt confused. The stuff inside was like white chocolate mousse, whipped and creamy, not quite what I expected. No matter, I thought, it'll still be really nice I'm sure! And I dipped my finger into the pot, enjoying the sensation of the cool cream on my skin. And I promptly put that finger with the body cream into my mouth.

Now, had I read the packaging like an adult, I would've seen the words saying "for external use only", or the instructions, which said to rub into your skin and breathe on it. I didn't do that. I put it in my mouth, wondered at how it could taste SO LITTLE like chocolate, before it dawned on me that maybe I wasn't meant to taste it.

Oops. Cue wiping my tongue with a towel and laughing a lot at my own foolishness.

Lesson learned. Possibly. Until next time anyway.

So THEN I read the packaging and discovered that this was meant to be a sensually scented, organic, all natural body cream to make YOU smell like you were good enough to eat. Whoops! I tried rubbing some on my breasts and really liked how smoothly it went on, along with the scent, which is from organic free range chocolate and is nice without being too sweet. The cocoa butter base absorbed easily into my skin leaving me feeling silky smooth and smelling like a pastry.

I'd recommend this body-safe cream to anyone who enjoys sweet scents, or a lover that smells delicious. I would probably use this for luxurious foot massages, myself!

So yes. Read the instructions before putting things in your mouth, and you'll enjoy this chocolate body cream from Babeland! Thanks for letting me try this product out in exchange for an honest review!

filming with Pampered Penny

I was supposed to film some AB/DL smut with the lovely (and super cute) Miss Penny Barber last Saturday- I rented a car and everything (like an adult!) only to discover myself trapped in 2 1/2 hour traffic thanks to a jumper on the bridge. Ah well.

So we rescheduled for Sunday, and she even came and picked me up! We got to chat in the car, which was nice- we talked about lots of different things, from fetishes to work to driving. I was kind of excited and kind of nervous, as AB/DL isn't something I've always had the easiest time with. I suspect that as a fat woman who has empathy, I get placed into the Mommy role all too often by lovers and friends! But I've found myself enjoying it more and more, and thinking about it more, and I definitely learned some new aspects to my AB/DL top side by having this experience.

The scenario involved me playing a nurse- a role I hadn't really experienced before in this way, mostly in medical play scenarios. I brought along a fetishy nurse outfit, but it was definitely not right for the scene we were doing.

So instead I wore a long dress, my thin cardigan buttoned and my hair pulled up out of my face. I became a governess/disciplinarian type of nurse, called in to create structure and discipline for the unruly Penny. And was she ever unruly! Talking back, pouting, lots of sighing and carrying on. I was kind of surprised at how easily I slid into the strict governess role, scolding her and instructing her to call me "Nurse Stryker". There was some face slapping, some face grabbing, some forced stripping, some caning. It was incredibly fun, and I really got into it, even with us having to reposition the camera for another angle! Calling her "young lady" all the while and telling her what a trial she was and how, if she didn't mind me, she would have to go to The Camp, where they would not be NEARLY as kind as I was. Hot. I loved grabbing her by the ear to drag her into another room, giving her a physical exam and taking her temperature anally... then marching her into the other room, making her sit and be quiet as I filled up her enema bag...

More images and videos here!
Now enemas are not something I know lots about either. The delicately peppermint scented water was a new experience for me. But again, I found myself go from being unsure to feeling wickedly sadistic about it. I quite enjoyed filling her up and then wrapping a diaper around her "just in case". I hadn't diapered a girl before, and it was super, super hot, powdering her up and giving a couple of extra little slaps and pats to the process. It certainly helps putting a diaper on the woman who wrote the book on AB/DL... literally!

Eventually I locked her in a cage to think about what she'd done. Amusingly, that's totally something I would do! Seeing her squirm around in there making a fuss and crying out for me as I walked away got me pretty turned on. Who knew I could get into this to such an extent?


Also, read Penny's blog, which has some great insight and information
So what worked for me? I think the fact I wasn't a nurturing Mummy, but a strict, firm Nurse really worked for me. Penny even said I fell into the language really easily (maybe cause I heard a lot of "watch your mouth young lady" growing up). I also think it helped me that her character was an older one who was being forced into diapers and discipline "for her own good", rather than an adult baby per se. Using the diapers and the caning and the exam as structure and asserting my power was pretty hot.

I can't wait to see the results... and, well, there's a part two coming, along with a scene that my boy wrote for us to perform! Yay! I look forward to continuing to explore these caregiver roles and incorporating adult baby into my erotic life. I'm glad for that, as it's a step closer to finding a way for the boy and I to interact with AB/DL and him as a bottom, in a way that we both enjoy. And, well, it's no hardship to get to discipline Penny! I'll post a link when the video goes up, so keep an eye out!

Review: Mr Blue Vein

I haven't played much with glass, though I've wanted to. Thank goodness for RubyGlass21, a fantastic US based glass toy company who was more than happy to help me with my desire! They sent Mr Blue Vein my way, and what a lovely toy this is!

First of all, I appreciate that the glass is coloured glass, not painted- which means that it won't rub off with use, making for a body-safe, ecosexual toy. It's a smooth 7" long and 1" across, though the veins add an extra 1/4 of an inch (along with added sensation).

Made of high quality Pyrex glass (the only type proven safe for internal use), you can feel safe using this as you can sterilize it in multiple ways, from the top rack of the dishwasher to toy cleaners to plain old soap and water. Of course, glass is always fun in that you can pop it in hot water and heat it up, or put it in the freezer for a chilly sensation. Yum!

A couple of things I really liked about this piece. One of them is the veins- just enough texture to be interesting and noticeable without being too intense. I also loved that it has a slight g-spot curve to it- that, plus the weight and solidness of this toy made for a really hot playtime! And finally I loved the simplicity of the decoration and colouring- it's pretty without being garish.

I would definitely recommend Mr Blue Vein; I think this would be an excellent choice for couples play, especially as there's a nice base to grip onto. You could use mine for strap in play, too, if you had an adjustable ring. I also think this would be a good pick for someone curious about anal play, as the texture feels sensual and the shape is made for p-spot stimulation as well as g-spot. It's a good first glass toy too.

Thank you RubyGlass21 for letting me take Mr Blue Vein for a spin in exchange for a honest review!

Eco-Porn: Greening Your Smut


Since coming back to the granola-crunching Bay Area from the cynical streets of London, I've been hearing a lot about this new thing- eco-sexuality. I was brought up as a pagan, so always had a bit of a connection with the earth, but I feel myself much more in tune with the urban noise and clatter than the peacefulness of a forest glen. Urban primitive, that's me all over- you can keep your wolf and bear power animals, I'll take pigeons and alley cats! Still, I can appreciate the sexiness of nature, and thanks to an Eco-sexual Queer Porn Night hosted by art gallery Femina Potens, I got a chance to appreciate hot people fucking outside. Awesomesauce, right?



I arrived at the event armed with blankets, gin, and snacks (as was recommended on our invites- well, not the gin specifically, it was BYOB) but soon discovered I was over prepared. Hosted in a delightful little back garden off Haight Street, they had seats set up, a table of beer and freshly popped popcorn. There was a roof built over part of the garden, and you could see the sun setting between buildings, clouds like pink candy floss. A diverse crowd of people started gathering around 8pm, with the films slated to start when it was dark enough, around 9. I loved the whole DIYness of a screen made of two shower curtains and GIANT clamps!



As this was an event curated in part by the Queer Cultural Center as part of their Queer Arts Festival, board member Cheryl Dunye was there to tell us a bit about what the QCC does. It was excellent to hear about how they work to fund queer artists, considering how difficult it can be for the arts to get money at all! I was also amused by her apology for running through "the speil". Maybe we looked restless. I was interested, though, as I'm always paying attention to projects like this that... yeah, yeah, ok, you want me to get to the porn. Fine!

When it was dark enough for the films to start, Maxine Holloway (who I totally have a crush on now which means I can never speak to her again) started off the evening by playing a scene from “Ciao Bella- A Woman’s POV” (the stream to own and iTunes download versions are on sale, btw!). Madison Young was the director of this film, and she spoke a bit about how there isn’t anything out there showing sex scenes from the female point of view, so she started doing women’s POV pornography. The scene was set in a vineyard as the sun was setting, which cast a sexy amber glow to the environment as the performers, Bella Rossi and Devi Lynne, teased and pleased each other among the ripening grapes. I was heartened to hear that the performers are encouraged to figure out what they want to do between themselves, which leads to more expressions of genuine pleasure. Also, lots of cunnilingus, some hot strap on play, and a fisting glove, which is a thing I had never seen before but was pretty neat!



Then we got to speak to performers Puck Goodfellow and James Darling about their experience filming for “Fluid 3: Beyond Bisexual”. Unfortunately the scene wasn’t available to be shown, but we were told it was a three way between them and Juliette March, shot on the cliffs by the Sutro Baths. Hearing James and Puck talk about what made sex in nature sexy for them- the fear of being caught, the primal nature of it, the hotness of blurring the lines between private and public space- was informative and interesting. Madison, who was the director for this shoot as well, talked a bit about the energy and rhythm present when you have sex outdoors, particularly by the ocean, where the waves crashing synced with the sensations of orgasm. We also got to hear about some of the issues- dirt and lubrication don’t mix very well, for example!



Then it was time for another two scenes, one of Jiz Lee, Syd Blakovich, and April Flores, from the film “Dangerous Curves” (also on sale for stream to own or iTunes), which features hot plus-sized women in nature. This was shot by April’s husband, Carlos Batts, and the storyboard was written by April herself. A sensual, stylized scene by a waterfall, I appreciated the androgyny of Jiz and Syd, who moved in a very feline way along the rocks, and April’s ample hips, thighs and breasts. I loved particularly the waterfall mirroring Jiz’s incredible squirting abilities. They explained that part of the attraction to the project was the metaphor presented in the title of nature as a large, powerful woman, and the danger we feel of such women. Considering I was just told earlier today how my anger makes me aggressive, I can imagine some truth in this!



The evening ended with a scene of Lady Monster twirling fire tassels on the beach, a truly stunning thing to watch. She told us a bit about the process, and her prayer to the Earth to make it not too windy or the tassels could burn her! It certainly looked fantastic on film, and she said the elements obeyed.



I came away even more clear on why this kind of pornography is more feminist than the mainstream. There weren’t “spread pink” shots where the performers maintain strange positions to offer the best camera shot, but rather real, messy cunnilingus caught on film. The toys used belonged to the performers, the outfits were chosen by them. There were fat bodies, trans bodies, genderqueer bodies. They were given free rein to have sex the way they wanted with people they wanted to do it with. And that passion and agency really showed, making these some of the better scenes I’ve seen in pornography.



As for eco-sexuality? I discovered it’s easy to fall in love a little with nature when it shows you how beautiful it is and when you take some time to appreciate it. And when you have a partner (or two) to appreciate it with you, so much the better. I may not know exactly where my “e-spot” is, but I’m looking forward to discovering.



Interested in more eco-sexy events? Check out tonight’s gallery opening and reception at the Center for Sex and Culture; it’s free and open to the public. Or if you want to get more involved, consider going to this weekend’s Eco-sex Symposium II. There’s panelists speaking on topics as varied as Eco-sex and Art to Greening the Sex Industry. $35 covers a whole weekend of events, though no one will be turned away for a lack of funds- there’s an email address to get tickets that way. It looks like fun!


Or if you're not in the Bay Area, or can't go to the Symposium, I also HAVE to recommend Fuck for Forest (pictured here), a group that makes hot porn and donates the money they make to saving rainforests. Donating was never so rewarding! Their site says "Saving the planet IS sexy! Why not get horny for a good cause?" 


Why not indeed?

one of those really good days

Today was quite the day for me. I had an interview, my first in a long time (when you do gigs you don't really interview in the same way), and I was kind of nervous about it as it's for a publishing company I admire and follow and read most of their books. Yeah, I'm talking about Cleis Press. They were looking for an intern, so I applied.

I got a call back an hour after I left the interview- I start on Monday!!!

I'm really excited as this is basically a dream job for me. I'll be working on mainly social media, publishing, and marketing. I could not possibly be happier!

THEN, as if that wasn't enough, I went into the city with a friend of mine, and went off to help Madison Young with a live porn show. Yes, that Madison. This was for the Feminist Porn Network and I had a blast running errands, filming, and even getting to squirt chocolate sauce on one of the models for a Psycho parody short. How hot is that?

And THEN, we stuck around (after some BBQ from Memphis Minnies) for an Ecosexual Queer Porn Night put on by Femina Potens. Sitting outside, under the stars, watching the really hot porn scenes while snacking and drinking was basically a perfect end to my day. There was some Q and A with some of the performers, which was cool- I loved hearing about why sex outdoors excites them. I'm really looking forward to watching Dangerous Curves now after having seen April Flores and Lady Monster. I want to see the scene with the superhot Kelly Shibari, the lovely lady who shot me for Padded Kink! BTW, if you liked my puppy play story for Wank Wednesday this week, you should definitely check out Padded Kink, where the boy and I do a puppy play scene...

Oh yeah, and I'll be writing up the Ecosexual Porn event for my first feminism article for the Examiner.com. Sweet!

If you're interested, there's more ecosexual awesomeness this weekend- tomorrow the Ecosexual Art Exhibit opening and reception, which is free, and the really good value Symposium over the weekend. I have crazy amounts of plans or I would definitely be there! You can check out the schedule and buy tickets for the Symposium here.

Basically, I had one of those epically awesome days that you sit back at the end of and think "wow, actually, today was pretty fucking great". I feel warm and happy inside. Yay <3

Thursday, June 16, 2011

brief fantasies

I've really been getting into the idea of sexual encounters outdoors, but one of the things that I worry about is splinters, especially as I tend to be the one on the bottom! So I'm excited by the idea of the Black Label wedge/ramp combo, which will allow for ideal sexual expression outdoors (complete with bondage points!) and yet keep tender bits up and away from the grass, pebbles and splinters. I'm particularly fantasizing about using it in my back garden, looking out over the Bay, with the California poppies gently tickling us, the sun kissing our skin as we orgasm again and again.

Maybe I *am* an ecosexual! I'm not a fantastic artist, but here's my imagining in a sketch... don't laugh!

Fuck Me, I’m Fat: A Hot Guide to Fat Sex

(First posted at Good Vibrations Magazine)
Ever read the sex tips in Cosmo and thought “seriously, I am not a yoga master, how the hell am I supposed to do that position” or thought “wow, are the only people who have experimental sex skinny?” I know I’ve certainly scoffed at sex position cards that suggested acrobatics that would qualify me for the Olympics!
It’s really sad when you look up “fat sex how to” or “bbw sex guide” it only takes about 5 entries before you get to either degrading porn or weight loss tips. Ugh. And then, of course, there’s all the body-negative bullshit to wade through. Way to remove sexual agency from fat people!
Well, fat people have sex too, I’m here to tell you, and it can be as varied and exciting as it is for everyone else. Here’s some tips and tricks to explore sex whether you’re chubby, thick, zaftig, plus-sized, or just plain fat.
Set the Mood
One thing that challenges a lot of fat people when it comes to sex is feeling sexy. It can be hard to find sexy underwear and lingerie that fits fat people, and if you’re feeling uncomfortable with your body, your confidence will go way down. There are multiple ways I’ve found to help calm those nerves.

One is taking a shower with your lover- there’s something about the hot water and slippery soap that makes all that flesh really sexy! And, if you decide to get frisky, there are various props you can use in the shower to make that easier- the step and the handleare two I recommend, though maybe tying up your fat lover using suction cuffs and kissing all over their body might do the trick too. Along similar lines is erotic massage, which puts you in your body and feeling great about it- what better way to turn your lover on than with some scented massage lotion or some warm massage candles? Or you can blindfold your lover and use an ice vibrator or some chocolate body paint to explore their skin… it’s all about reassuring them that you find their round bellies and thick thighs sexy.
Another thing you can do is light candles or use pink or amber light in your room for mood lighting. Everyone looks sexy under soft sensual colours, and just changing the lighting can be enough to create an atmosphere where your nervous lover feels sexy. Or you can wear lingerie or sexy outfits that show off your body well- for femme-presenting people, babydolls are great if you have breasts you’re really fond of, a garter belt and thigh highs can highlight sexy legs, or hipster panties might be the trick if you’re bootilicious. You’re not stuck to corsets! For masculine-presenting people, sock garters and black underwear can sex you up… add a bow tie for some formality. Uniforms also come in different sizes- you can always add some roleplay into your repertoire.
Of course, how can I forget watching some body-positive pornography? There’s a lot out there now that has different body types in it without it being negative. Books and magazine wise try the diversity within these- Extreme Curves for female bodies, Salacious for queer bodies or Filamentmagazine for male bodies. For DVDs, consider April Flores in BordelloCourtney Trouble inLayoverKelly Shibari and Lady Monster in Dangerous Curves, and Liz in Queer Manor. If you like trans male bodies, check out Cubbyholes for some yummy cubs and bears. Got some hot video porn to suggest with hot fat men? Leave a comment!
Consider Sex Pillows!

I got to try out one of the Liberator wedges and I have to say they’re fantastic. Made of furniture grade foam, covered with soft microfiber and protected by a water resistant liner, these are sturdy and effective no matter what your size or mobility. I recommend them fully for all bodies, but they’re particularly useful if you want to do penetrative intercourse, as you can angle the cunt up or support propping an ass up at an angle to make penetration easier to manage. Not only are these great for penis or dildo penetration, though, they’re also awesome for comfortable oral sex as your neck doesn’t have to be at as extreme an angle.  Generally if you’re fat you should go for the Wedge, though you could also check out the Heart. I personally found the Jaz a bit small for my luscious 50″ hips, but if you’re smaller it should be plenty supportive enough. And they blend in beautifully into your decor- no one will know what it is. You can of course use folded up pillows in a pinch- I recommend cotton filled instead of feather, just in case things get wet.
Pleasurable Positioning
Some positions are easier and more enjoyable for fat bodies than others, whether having coupled sex or masturbating. Most positions can be adapted in such a way as to make it fun though, regardless if you’re using sex furniture  to make it happen!
Missionary position can be a bit difficult, especially if you both have bellies, as the partner on the bottom may feel smothered and the partner on the top might tire out quickly. There’s a few ways around this- one is to have the partner on the bottom wrap her legs around the top partner’s shins, meaning her legs are spread enough to make penetration easier and also encouraging the top lover’s body to press against her clit. Another way is have the penetrating partner sit back on their haunches during intercourse instead of leaning forward, therefore allowing some breathing room. If you’re the penetrating partner, support yourself with your hands rather than your elbows and lower yourself onto your lover’s body slowly. Finally the penetrated partner can put their legs over their lover’s shoulders for easier access and allows the bottom partner to push back against the top.
The woman-on-top position is especially good when with a fat penetrating partner as the woman can reach around and guide her lover’s cock into her. And the woman on top is able to angle herself for the best position for her pleasure, this can be an ideal method for g-spot stimulation. It also allows her to play with her clit, enjoy a vibrating cock ring, or use a vibrator- the Nosy Toyfriend is a good possibility as the angle of the tip means you can be more flexible about positioning. You can also try using a wearable vibrator like the Butterfly- just slip it on and enjoy! If you both have large bellies that make the cowgirl position difficult, try reverse cowgirl instead.

Sex from behind is also pretty hot!  I personally love gripping my lover’s hips and pulling him into my cock. I also sometimes like to be spanked while I’m being fucked, so doggy style is ideal for me.
Consider using pillows or a wedge to support the bottom partner, and remember that it can be hard for some fat people to have their knees bent and weight on them for a while. Having support in place will help ease that.
You can also try using a doggie style strap to make this position easier.
Strapping it On

First of all, when looking into strap on toys, think about length as much as width. When you’re fat, or your lover’s fat, you can lose an inch of the length of the toy with soft lovely flesh on either side, making a 7″ toy 5″ or less. One thing you have to watch out for, though, is that toys with length tend to also be too wide! Somedildos I’ve found work really well for fat sex are the First Mate, theSilk 3, and the Bandit. These have some good length without being super thick. Personally I’d recommend silicone dildos, because these are able to be sterilized, whether that be via toy cleaner, boiling, or putting in the top rack of your dishwasher.
Also be wary about the sizing on strap on harnesses- measure yourself before you buy so you’re sure the harness you pick will be comfy. I recommend the femme vibrating corset harness, which offers a bit of extra back support making the dildo sturdier on fat bodies than other harnesses. Nothing matches the comfort of the much more butch Joque harness when it comes to my body, though- it’s my favourite! The thicker straps on the Joque mean it doesn’t dig into your tender flesh as much, and it’s great for wearing under clothes for surprising your lover. You can also check out the Terra Firma harness if your tastes are more for something leather.
Double Trouble
You can also explore using double dildos like the Realdoe or the Share, which can be really fun to stimulate you both at the same time. Personally I’ve found it difficult to keep them in on my own (I guess I need a session with Betty’s Barbell!) but I’ve discovered a technique that works pretty well. I lie on the bottom with the toy inside me, and have my partner ride on top of me. That way, when she’s pumping back and forth, the part of the dildo inside me rubs beautifully against my g-spot, and my stomach lies a bit flatter so there’s less in the way. Hot!
Another technique I’ve used, since larger bellies, thighs, and asses can mean that finger manipulation or slipping a toy between our bodies is difficult, is to use a harness over a Rock Chick. This allows me to have a vibrator against my clit and stimulating my g-spot while I thrust into my lover or have him suck my strap on.

Read More
Want to know more about having hot fat sex? Check out these links for some additional information:
-Ms Kay has some excellent advice on Fat Sex Positions
-The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability is handy whether you’ve got a disability or not, and offers lots of practical advice
-Exhibitionism for the Shy can give you and your lover an extra boost of confidence- and nothing’s sexier than that!
-Get inspired by the women of the Plus Size Calendar
-How to make a sex-positive event body positive- and how to do it wrong
-Read everything written by Hanne Blank (author of the guide to fat sex Big Big Love), from whysumo wrestlers are sexy to Sophie Tucker, a fat and proud comedy singer
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