Resolved: 2011

I always love NYE as a chance to reflect on my last year, and what I want for the next year- I think rather than mash this year with my hopes for next year, there'll be two posts, one to say goodbye to 2011, one to say hello to 2012.

Last year my resolutions were as follows:

-Create a website for Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society to take it the next step
Didn't get that done quite yet, but it's part of a larger step for this blog and my website. :)

-Create some proposals for classes I could teach- perhaps on sex party etiquette?
Did this and then some! I taught with Maggie at Feelmore510, co-created Safe/Ward, started presenting it both here and in Boston along with sharing our notes so people could similarly present it, presented at Arse Elektronika, and have been accepted to speak at Momentum and SXSW- think I did well on this one!

-Cut out bad energy in my life- I've started, but should keep this up. And don't try to contact them in moments of weakness!
I did this really well, and I'm proud. I wrote a massive piece about my ill-fated relationship with a client, and I feel I've purged it pretty well now. I have also finally given up on my high school friend who has refused to talk to me due to some perceived slight.

-Cut down on cigarettes and move to an electronic cigarette- try to have this fully transitioned by 2012.
I've cut down, but hadn't bought a proper electronic cigarette- UNTIL NOW! Very proud of myself. I have finally bought a gorgeous custom(!) electronic that I'll be excited to show off, with flavours that will make me reach for that instead.

-Do a queer porn- possibly in London- and maybe submit one to the Good Vibes Film Fest.
I shot with CrashPad this year, along with shooting with Penny at Pampered Penny, and Maxine Holloway for a film for GV, though that met a sad fate. I feel I did pretty well on this, with more to come next year.

-Try to get at least three things published in print.
Oh god yes. I wrote two pieces for Filament, wrote a piece for an erotic anthology that was accepted, and just finished a ghostwritten chapter for a book. Very happy about that!

-Sort out a place to live, whether in the UK or US, and stay there.
I settled into grandma's for the time being while I sort out my divorce, and I feel good about that decision. Staying in one place has allowed me to make some roots and develop a name for myself, which has been amazing for my growth. I'm a lot happier now that I've settled in.

-Visit at least one new place in Europe.
I didn't actually get to do this. Ah well. Makes sense since I spent half the year here in SF!

-Repair friendships that have been banged up a bit.
I feel like this is something I also did ok on. I've starting to reconnect with friends who mean a lot to me but who I had gotten out of touch with, and that's been really nice. I missed them.

What else did I do this year?

-Was nominated again for an Erotic Award
-Finally saw the documentary "Britain's Happy Hookers" that I'm in
-Started performing as Creampie the Klown more formally
-Fought Porn Wikileaks
-Moved back to San Francisco
-Started wondering about having kids with the boy
-Went to Fourth of Juplaya
-Met and lived with Maggie and Ned Mayhem
-Interned at Cleis Press
-Started working on Andro Aperture
-Became a brony thanks to the boy
-Baked cupcakes and made tear gas masks for Occupy Oakland
-Started dating Penny
-Introduced the boy to my parents
-Joined the Sex Workers Outreach Project
-Started my divorce paperwork
-Said goodbye to my cat Meep
-Performed on stage at Masquerotica
-Stage managed December 17th, International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers
-Started to fight privilege in the SF kink scene

I think I can look back on this year and be pretty proud.

Thank you all for taking this journey with me, for asking questions and posting blogs that inspired and angered me into writing. Thank you for giving me opportunities to spread the consent culture message. Thanks for laughing and crying with me.

It's been a rough couple of days. I have never felt so glad to have a community of people around me who love me and mine, who are there to help when I (or someone I care about) need it. I'm so, so grateful.

Have a marvelous new year, and may 2012 bring about an apocalypse of the heart, leaving only truth and beauty in its wake!

SXSW/Momentum

So in March, I'm going to be speaking at two different conferences, a scary proposition but an exciting one! I'm honoured and thrilled to be speaking at both SXSW and Momentum, particularly as an out sex worker. I've been working very hard to get to this point and I'm pleased to see my voice being treated as important and valuable in conversations about gender, consent, sex work and politics.

This last year has raised my confidence immensely when it comes to being in front of a microphone. I've presented at Arse Elektronika on sex work, disability and social media. I've performed on stage at Masquerotica. I've done workshops with Maggie Mayhem on consent and abuse in altsex communities, and safer sex beyond condoms. I've spoken on The Other View about consent too. Tomorrow I'm going to be on Sexploration with Monika.

It's been a pretty amazing year, and next year is starting off with a bang.

At SXSW I'm presenting something I've done before- "En/Forced Femme: Sex Workers and Social Media". It's an exploration of the way that a capitalist market seemingly insists on a particularly sex work aesthetic and attitude (passive, feminine, accommodating) and how, in practice, that seems to be expanding as social media allows sex workers to attract people interested in their brains and opinions. I think I might being up Porn WikiLeaks into this, mentioning how social media allowed this typically marginalized population to drum up support from unexpected sources (hackers, for example). I'm really looking forward to fine tuning this and making it have some serious impact, and who better to talk about this with than a large group of geeks?

At Momentum I'm going to be busy! I'm doing the Safe/Ward presentation with Maggie, a panel about publishing, writing, and new media, and on another panel about issues of victim silencing and abuse in sex positive communities. I'm really excited to be among so many fabulous intelligent people, and I can't wait to connect with them all.

Of course, I'm still a writer, getting paid via gigonomics, and therefore could use financial support in making this happen. It won't take a lot, as I've been saving my pennies, but the more help I get the more of this I can do. I presented Safe/Ward in Boston, for example, and am looking into presenting it in Austin while there for SXSW. Maggie and I are not getting our flights or hotel paid for, so I'm asking you guys to maybe pitch a bit our way, or come to our fundraiser Jan 24th at the Center for Sex and Culture for an overview of Safe/Ward, raffles, performances, and other surprises.

Please help me travel to spread this and enable communities to fight entitlement culture!

Guest Review: Tenga 3D Polygon

So I get lots of toys to review, and sometimes they're just not something i can review- thankfully, the boy is happy to pick up where I have to leave off!

That was the case with this review, a Tenga 3D Polygon from Babeland. I'll let him tell you in his own words how he liked it.

My honey Kitty is just the sweetest, isn’t she? I love it when a care package arrives from her and it contains both some My Little Pony toys and some masturbators for me to try out. What a doll! 

My latest little present from Kitty was the Tenga 3D ‘Polygon’, part of Tenga’s ‘3D’ range of reversible masturbators. Tenga masturbators have a soft, pliable texture that feels great against the penis: not too taught when stretched over it and not too soft that you can’t feel the patterned interiors. 

However, as someone who actively sells these to customers, I usually give the same disclaimer: they don’t last too long and the regular Tenga masturbators are near impossible to clean properly. Believe me, I tried cleaning up a Tenga Air Cup sleeve for a second round, but ended up with a bit of a wet mess on my hands. Regardless, that’s another story. Tenga’s 3D range aim to correct this oversight by ditching the hard plastic exteriors, allowing one to turn these things inside out for cleaning and maintenance purposes.

The toys actually come packaged ‘inside out’: with the surface that you’ll have against the skin of your cock facing outwards (“the details that create the outside design become the stimulating interior details,” as the included instructions put it). This allows you to immediately see exactly what kind of texture you’ll be getting, unlike with the differently-textured Tenga eggs, which are a bit of a guessing game unless the store you get them from has a handy guide or legend. 

A second benefit is that this makes the Tenga 3D range ‘stealth’ toys: stored the way they come, they look like little, white, innocuous curios and so could easily be kept on your bedside cabinet without arousing suspicion. Tenga most definitely do not do ‘anatomically correct’ toys, so look elsewhere if that is your bag.

Each toy comes packaged with a single packet of water-based lubricant, but any water-based lubricant can substitute. I’ve used it with Liquid Silk a few times now to no ill effects either to the product or myself. When using, one has to flip the whole thing inside out and then apply the lube to the inside, making sure to get some around the entrance hole especially, for easy insertion. 

Special care should be taken when inserting, as the very end of the hole is a bit tight and may cause some discomfort for penises with a foreskin, but ultimately is no more difficult or uncomfortable than inserting an uncut penis into anything similar, so uncut boys should be able to navigate it easily. One must also resist the urge to flip it directly onto the penis. I did try this and quickly regretted it. Flip it inside out first, then slide it over the penis. 

Once on, the whole thing is then gripped and one masturbates with it as normal. The ridged pattern is soft and is barely noticeable when the toy is static against the penis, but one can definitely feel the extremities slide against the shaft when in motion, creating a pleasurable, textured sensation.

The soft, almost sponge-y material (Antibacterial Elastomer!) quickly won me over as it provides a much softer sensation than a hand can provide. The sleeve as a whole also neatly covers the whole of the shaft, creating equal sensation all over, which again is something a hand on its own cannot do (personally, I find I end up gripping too hard in one area and hardly touching myself at all in another; accursed fingers!). 

As a result, my Tenga 3D has quickly become my go-to masturbation-toy of choice. I’ve even found it helps me achieve orgasm quicker than when I’m left to my own devices (results may vary). The toy is also not porous to ejaculate, so you won’t find cum seeping through it and onto your bedsheets, laptop, etc. (hooray for a clean wank! No more embarrassing stains on the bedclothes!)

With the old style Tenga toys, orgasm would pretty much be the end of the game, as there was never really an easy way to clean those things for reuse, but with this, the whole thing slips off and onto a neat little tray that comes packaged with it, specifically for keeping it off of any surfaces while one gets up and prepares to clean it. 

Cleaning is as simple as running both sides under running water and cleaning by hand: simple as anything. Remember to dry it each time too, as otherwise it might still have cool water from the last wash inside it when next you come to it. Since this is designed as a reusable sleeve unlike many of Tenga’s previous efforts, it’s good to get into the habit of taking care of it. The enclosed instructions claim that toys in the 3D range are good for approximately fifty uses (but “may vary according to methods of use[!]”), which puts them well-above the expected shelf life of the regular Tenga toys. 

So to summarise: I’m sold. The Tenga 3D toys make wanking a hell of a lot more fun, its sensations and texture providing a marked improvement over nature and it may rapidly become something you grab whenever you feel like jacking off. They’re clean (bonus!) and honestly pretty neat-looking too. There’s a range of different designs to choose from, but judging from the Polygon I imagine the differences to be largely cosmetic and the differences in sensation minor.

So there you have it- the Tenga 3D is a hit. And how cute is it that he wanked to the puppyplay video we shot for Padded Kink? Awwww!

Thank you Babeland for sending us the Tenga 3D Polygon in exchange for an honest review!

Christmastime

I haven't posted for a few days thanks to the holiday madness- madness that somehow increases even though I don't have any family members around for Christmas, and haven't for years. Maybe that's why- instead of one big family gathering, I have multiple chosen family get-togethers I go to annually instead!

And god was my calendar packed. There was Santacon, and the Christmas Revels, and Whobilation, and Dickens Fair. December 17th was a massive event and it went off really well, which made me really proud (I was even interviewed about it!).

Never mind the craziness of the holidays proper- Christmas Eve spent with my girlfriend, her family, and my friends, watching fire spinning and noshing on homemade Mexican food to Xmas tunes, and Christmas Day spent with incredible food, lovely friends, clothing piles, and lots of champagne.

I got many nice presents, but some of the things I got that I'm happiest about aren't things. Yeah, I know, cliche, right? But it's true. Spending the holidays with people who are really close and meaningful to me was fantastic. Getting legal advice to allow me to submit my divorce documents was awesome. Getting to eat some special holiday treats from England was great, too. I'm particularly pleased at the way my boyfriend and girlfriend are getting on so well together- it makes me feel really happy and loved by them both. I'm really looking forward to January, when the three of us will be spending some time together.

Particularly exciting? I've been accepted to speak at SXSW Interactive as part of their Salon series! SXSW is a huge deal- it's for people up and coming in the world of tech, and includes some incredible minds and lectures that sound fascinating. To give you an idea, "Fixing Broke(n) Governments Through Serious Games", "Can You Tweet That? Social Media and the Law", "Empathy-Building Tools for Better Collaboration", "Is Social Media a Human Right?"- these are all talks I can go to. And mine? Mine is my presentation "Enforced Fem/me: Sex Workers and Social Media". SQUEE! I'm so blown away to be asked and really excited to be a part of it all. Best. Present. EVER.

And soon, it's New Years, and my 28th birthday. I'll be posting a review of my goals from last year and how I did on them, as I do every year. I have to say, this last year had some massive ups and massive downs, but I am feeling like I'm in a good (if busy!) place right now. Lots of paid writing gigs- lots of performance opportunities- and lots of love.

Bring on 2012. I'm ready for the apocalypse.

Review: Pink Candy Collar and Cuffs

Aslan Leather makes some beautiful harnesses, like the Cherry Minx I was lucky enough to review earlier- so I was curious about their cuffs and collars. How could I resist the sweetness that is the pink candy collar and cuffs? Especially when modeled by my girlfriend Penny, who accompanied me to a holiday party as a sugarplum fairy?

The pink candy collar and cuffs are both made with white and pink leather on the outside and lined with white vegan leather. The cuffs and the collar are 2" wide, making them reasonable for heavier bondage- the collar has a triangle ring and an o ring, while the cuffs have a d-ring each. I particularly like the white stitching against the pink! It's a lovely detail.

The collar fits a 12.5" neck up to 16", and the cuffs fit from 6-8", making them adjustable for men and women alike. We found these to be pretty soft and comfortable, both for a bit of bondage and for sexyfuntimes- they're really well constructed. Also notable is that these are all equipped with lockable buckles, making them a possibility for enforced bondage- Aslan also sells locks if you want to use them.

I really got off on seeing Penny cuffed and collared at my feet as she massaged me through my stockings! I can imagine they'll come out for other playtimes. Maybe I'll pull them out to help my boyfriend get more in touch with his femme side when he comes to visit. And personally, I like the idea of using these for ageplay bondage- the colours make them look innocent and cute. They also come in a pretty light blue if that's more your style.

Thank you Aslan Leather for sending me the pink candy cuffs and collar set in exchange for an honest and fair review!

Perverts and Privilege in San Francisco

So I've been aware for a while about how the SF area, while declaring themselves to be sex positive, absolutely resent being told that their party themes reflect their privilege. The "Pimps and Hos" party at one space was a good example, with the Sex Workers Outreach Project suggesting the venue donate to a sex worker rights org or even change the tagline to "Hos up, Pimps down"- what a great way to fuck with an established misogynistic anti-sex work theme, right? But no, the venue wanted nothing to do with it.

I see this a lot- venues and event organizers looking the other way, claiming ignorance, but without wanting to fix it through education and awareness.

Well, yesterday, it went a step further, with local club Bondage-a-Go-Go.

Every year for 5 years, they've held a "White Trash Luau" around Christmastime:

On Wednesday the 21st, we revel in all that is cherished in Low-brow culture. Domestic beer. Bad Teeth. Cage Fighters & Teen Moms. This is the one night at BGG that you can bust out your bowling shirt, sweats and dress for (a complete lack of) success!
You can enjoy a (non) gourmet buffet of hot dogs, macaroni and cheese & jello from 11 – 12, then find a place close to the stage for the Gothic Bikini Contest at Midnight!

I went and looked through the old announcements for these, and sure enough, no one said anything against this theme before. It's all a bit of fun, right?

But this time, a conversation was started about the privilege and racism implicit in such a theme. Several commenters said that this theme and language was not particularly inclusive, and that it made POC feel pretty wary about going to BaGG at all. Note that every POC on the thread said they felt it was offensive and uncomfortable. Other BaGGsters then responded defensively, going for the "you're being too sensitive!", "don't you have better things to be upset about", and "you just enjoy being offended!"derailing for dummies triple play. With a garnish of "I know someone from that group who disagrees" on top, like a ripe cherry. Here was a great response:

Also: This is not the only event in the Bay Area with "White Trash" in the name. Campaigning against other events because of unrest due to the titles will not result in all of them being changed. It's just not possible.

Cause why challenge these things, right? Why say when you're offended? I mean, the kinky community does this shit all the time! Which might be why we don't tend to see a lot of politically conscious people (or POC esp) at these parties. Hmm. Ya think? And it's also worth noting that most of the people saying that "overly PC people are killing the FUN" were... oh, right. White, cisgendered, straight men. Fancy that!

I know this is a crazy thing to say, but- YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE IF SOMETHING IS RACIST. As Amber Hazard said so well on her tumblr-

When an oppressed individual says “that’s racist/cissupremacist/heterofascist/misogynistic etc.”
…they are not inviting you to start a debate. They are saying “what you are saying/doing is oppressing me/others,” and if you can’t just listen and respect that and acknowledge that they’re the best person in the world to gauge how oppressed they feel by your actions/statements… well, then you’re just an asshole.

it's a bit like this

Anyway, I suggested the "How Not to Act Like a Doofus When Accused of Racism" post, along with reminding people of the actual history of the term "poor white trash"- a history that is very much enmeshed with racism and classism. Considering we're living in a culture wherein half of all Americans are currently living and growing up within low income circumstances, it seems like it'd be a good time to rethink our willingness to talk shit about poor people. Finally I referenced an essay on racist jokes, which also relates very much to classist jokes. White trash, as a phrase, makes not only some of the people I know who grew up in poor rural environments feel uncomfortable and awkward, but most of the POC I know. Sounds, then, to me like it's worth reflecting pretty seriously on.

It was lively argument, for sure. One of the venue organizers originally fanned the flames and told people to quit bitching, then thought better of it and apologized, suggesting people take their complaints to the event organizer. The original poster who made the first complaint said this:

To the powers that be at BAGG: Please just apologize. We've had a lot of fun at BAGG over the years, and we'd like to be able to have fun there again knowing that our community values who we are as much as we value our community. I know most people who go to BAGG have no bad intentions, but this really hurts the level of comfort and safety for a lot more people than will ever speak up about it. PLEASE just acknowledge that there has been an accident/incident, that perhaps the concept and wording of the event needs to be revisited and perhaps revised, and apologize.

Seems pretty reasonable, right? It's not super angry or militant. It's pretty friendly. And a lot of people who go to BaGG agreed.

People did talk to the organizer, and originally, the response was compassionate, aware, apologetic and appropriate. I was feeling really pleased that maybe, just maybe, the SF kink scene was ready to explore its own racist, classist, sexist tendencies and we could move forward into a more actually sex positive space. I was happy to see an event organizer take action and agree to educate themselves.

I obviously was out of my mind, because post apology, this was the "replacement" event listing:

Please join your Freak Family for a polite gathering of the gender neutral “People of the World!

Dress code is "Caucasian Casual" ** this one night only. T-shirts, flip-flops, sweats, white tennis shoes, Ambercrombie & Fitch, turquoise eye-shadow, – make it absolutely Hideous!

"Caucasian Casual" applies to all Persons of color

Take a picture with the Holiday Neutral Character “Satan Claws” from 10 – 11.

Feast on our hot dog/macaroni & cheese buffet from 11-12. Nice and bland!

Sexy Sweater contest. $100 for the most alluring Holiday sweater (no pants or skirt – contestants just wear shoes & a sweater). All genders are allowed to compete (though this is really an exhibition, not a contest because we are all winners!).

When you are done with the vanilla, strip down to the dungeon, dance til 2:30 and show your true colors!

I am Bondage A Go Go & I approved this message.

Wednesday Nights
21 and up, you little Slut! (ID required)

All I can do is shake my head. It's really sad to see that the SF kink community, including many people I consider(ed) friends, feel that people speaking up against oppressive behaviour should be tagged as being whiners who are ruining things rather than respected as having the guts to speak up. What really upset me is that one of the people who apologized really well and then pulled a "haha fuck you suckas" move is someone who runs events at Kink.com, and who is considered a "pillar of the community". But then, of course he is. Aren't they usually?

Every year I feel less like I can ethically be a part of this "sex positive" community. I feel incredibly disgusted and betrayed by the response to this situation,  more so because they pretended they were invested in thinking critically about these issues, and then turned out to be liars.

I don't think SF is sex positive. I think that some places in SF strive towards being more sex positive, but until complaints are treated publicly with the respect they deserve, and men are objectified as women are objectified, and images of POC, fat, and genderqueer people are on the walls of accessible kinky venues... well, then we're still striving towards sex positivity. We're not there yet. The sooner we admit that, the sooner we can actually do something about it. And I hope we do.

Note: The community organizer I mention said his comment was not meant in response to the event but someone else's comment. He said he didn't see himself as a pillar of the community, and I responded:

"You are a pillar of the community. I don't know that it's something people get elected to, but you're present at most kink related events in this area. As such I would love to talk to you more about entitlement culture and consent issues within the kink community here, as yes, if this is indeed something you care about, you would make a fantastic and influential ally."

We'll see what happens. Maybe striving towards a more representative, positive kink scene does matter.

Pleasurists #160

Whitney Bee 1 by barelight


Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days.  If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow the RSS Feed and Twitter for updates.


Did you miss Pleasurists 159?  Read it all here.  Do you have a review for Pleasurists 161? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday December 25th @ 11:59pm Pacific.


Want a shiny new toy?  All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Naughty for Christmas Giveaway Deadline: December 21st @ 12:01am Eastern.
• RodeoH Giveaway Deadline: December 22nd.
• Win a Luxury Sex Toy Every Day with the Lovehoney Advent Calendar! Deadline: Daily winner until December 24th.
• Holiday Vibrator Giveaway Deadline: December 25th.
• Tingle Me Giveaway Deadline: December 29th.

Editor
Scarlet Lotus


On to the reviews:

Vibrators

• Bswish bCute Classic by Pixel
• Papaya Toys Candy Stick by Bzzingbee
• Evolved Roulette All On Red by Bzzingbee
• BodyWand by Kitty Stryker
• Doc Johnson 10x Power Bullet by Blacksilk
• Hitachi Magic Wand by Beanfiddler
• 10 Function Pure Skin Stud by Naughty Snow White
• Bullet Buddies Wormie by Naughty Snow White
• Koa Ring by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Mystic Wand Rechargeable by Mystress Lady Evyl
• Fun Factory DeLight by True Pleasures
• LELO Insignia Lyla by Nymphomaniac Ness
• PicoBong Honi by Dr. Ruthie
• 7 Function Classic Chic Mini G by Sassy
• LELO Insignia Alia by Mystress Lady Evyl
• We-Vibe 3 by Mistress Kay
• We-Vibe 3 by Karen Blue
• We-Vibe 3 by True Pleasures
• Close2You Allegro by Anne
• 10-Function Pure Skin Stud by Mistress Kay
• Evolved Bottle Rockets Apollo by Silverdrop
• PicoBong Ipo by Mistress Kay
• Shots Toys’ 10-Speed Vibrating Egg by Girl Deviante

Dildos

• Happy Valley Tango by Karen Blue
• LELO Ella by Sada K.
• Free Range Silicone Squildo by True Pleasures
• Tantus Cush by Bzzingbee
• Tantus Cush by Dr. Ruthie
• Glass Pleasure Candy Cane Wand by Naughty Snow White
• Tantus Flurry O2 by Mistress Kay
• The Tapered Teaser by Midnight Boudoir
• Bent Graduate by buzzvibe

Anal Toys

• Minx Tail by Kitty Stryker
• Icicles Glass Plug by Nuts4Belle
• Ace Plug Royal by http://www.the-sub-mission.com/">Red Vinyl Kitty
• Tantus Alumina Pace by Ruffled Sheets
• Crystal Delights Crystal Twist Mini Plug by Mistress Kay

Sleeves, Rings, & etc.

• Vixen Creations Ride On by Mistress Kay
• Tenga 3D Spiral by ScarlettSeraph
• Beginner C-Sling Cock Ring by Karen Blue
• Fleshlight Stamina by Metallman

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Babeland Massage Candle by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Venus Aromatic Bath Salts by Vanille
• Babelube Silicone by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Cocoa Nostra Confectionery Lip Balm by Vanille
• Sliquid Sea by Pixel
• Bath Kitten Set by Mistress Kay
• Babeland Bare Necessities Kit by Karen Blue
• Durex Utopia (Play O) Orgasm Gel by Silverdrop
• Romantic Pleasures Kit by Karen Blue
• Blossom Organics Pure Pleasure Arousal Gel by Sada K.

BDSM/Fetish

• Door Jam Cuffs by Kitty Stryker
• Impressions Crop by padme amidala
• Leatherbeaten Delrin Cane by Pixel
• The Kitty Spank-her by Midnight Boudoir
• The Kitty Blindfold by Midnight Boudoir
• Incoqnito Razor by Mystress Lady Evyl
• Pink Candy Jaguar Collar by Mystress Lady Evyl
• Spiral Steel Chastity Device by Ruffled Sheets
• Purple Fur-Lined Ankle Restraints by Vanille
• Shock Therapy Nipple Clamps by Beanfiddler

Adult Books/Games

• Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders by Mistress Kay

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasms by buzzvibe
• Girls Girls Girls II by Ginger Leigh
• Anal Pleasure by J.D. Bauchery
• Babes in Bondage 2 by Ginger Leigh
• Night Crawlers by J.D. Bauchery
• The Return of the Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls by Ginger Leigh
• Live Sex Show by Kitty Stryker
• April Flores Blowjob Video by J.D. Bauchery
• Intimate Invitations #10 by Ginger Leigh
• Bridesmaids XXX Porn Parody by J.D. Bauchery
• Danish #4 Seka by Ginger Leigh
• Kung Fu Pussy by J.D. Bauchery

Lingerie

• Espiral You’re on Fire by True Pleasures
• Santa’s Baby Costume by Mystress Lady Evyl
• Dreamgirl Reversible Blue Corset by buzzvibe
• Wet Look Tank Top by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Sweet Streak Velvet Overbust Corset-Style Bustier by Nymphomaniac Ness
• Red Leopard Chemise by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Bullet Proof Tie-Release Teddy by Silverdrop
• Danger Bustier by True Pleasures

Miscellaneous

• Fleshlight Fleshwash by Mistress Kay
• Bella in Bloom “Papillon” by Teagan Shepard
• Triple Extreme Male Strengthener by True Pleasures
• Honeymoon in a Box | Gay by Mystress Lady Evyl

Holiday Hos: Bid on my Auction, Get Signed Unique Prints!

I am auctioning off 3 holiday-themed signed prints of myself- winner picks theme!

Every year for several years now, I've done a holiday themed photo shoot at Christmas- the listing photo is from last year's shoot. It's about that time this year, but I wanted to do things a little... differently, this time.

I'm going to a March conference on feminism and sexuality in DC, Momentum, and I'm looking to raise some money to fly out there for my talk on consent in altsex. Important issue is Important!

So this year, I'm offering the winner of this flash auction the ability to choose from three themes- sexy Santa pinup (eggnog splosh optional), a switchy sugarplum fairy, or a saucy slutty snowflake. You can also choose soft- or hardcore. I will sign 3 8.5x11 prints from that shoot to the name/s of your choice and put it in the mail fresh from the shoot! These 3 images will be private to you exclusively- no one else will ever see them. It will be a solo shoot with a high quality lens done by a professional photographer.

In order to pick your theme, you MUST let me know which one you want by NOON Friday Dec 23rd! Otherwise I will choose for you.

The money raised from this will go directly to flying me out to Momentum- so you get some sexy curvy girl porn, I get to raise issues around consent and altsex, everyone wins! You'll be funding good work.

Help me get to Momentum while wanking to images of me covered in eggnog (among other possibilities).

If you live in another country from the US, we can discuss a situation where another account bids on your behalf, and you pay me via paypal instead. ;)

My Top Twenty People/Organizations of 2011

Inspired by the inimitable Lori from Rarely Wears Lipstick, I thought about having a "top ten women" list. But then I thought "I want to include some guys", and then I thought "I also want to include genderqueers", so had to scrap it. And then ten didn't seem like enough. So WHATEVER, RULES, I'll gonna give you twenty(!) people and organizations I think deserve a little extra love this year, because they helped move me forward and upward.

They are in no particular order (seriously, I ran them through a random generator).

1. Sex Worker Open University
I love these guys so much. Seriously. I was crushed to not make it to their event! They're a dedicated group of sex workers and allies who create events/skillshares that work to show a better spectrum of sex work experience. Inspirational.


2. Momentum
This feminism and sexuality conference is something I'm really, really excited for. Run by the people who brought you the NYC Sex Bloggers calendar, they've gone out of their way to address the concerns of sex workers, including having a liaison just for that, which I think is amazing.


3. Vixen Creations
Every time I have needed to do a fundraiser or raise awareness about a topic, from consent to sex worker rights, Vixen has been happy to donate whatever I need. I'm very grateful to their support in helping me do the work I do!


4. Maggie Mayhem
This woman is epic. She's such a generous lovely person, and fiercely inspirational. It's really thanks to her that such a rocket got lit under my ass to talk about consent issues in the altsex community, and when I needed a place to stay, she let me in without even having met me. She's smart as hell, politically pervy, and a force of nature. I consider her a dear friend now. <3


5. Patrasha and the Bay Area Sex Workers Outreach Project
SWOP saved my life. I was really struggling being back in the Bay Area, not knowing what to do for work, how to meet people, what to do. SWOP structured me, gave me some focus and purpose. Patrasha got me to the meetings, so I owe her majorly. Community is invaluable.

6. Jiz Lee
Jiz is just amazing. I like their Karma Pervs work especially- porn for charity? Yes please! Never mind that they're an amazing performer who breaks the barriers of mainstream and queer porn, which I'm a big fan of.

7. Maxine Holloway at Feminist Porn Net
Maxine is someone I admired from afar. Then I got to know her a bit and realized that she's just an amazing person all around. I'd hate her for being smart, pretty and a lovely woman, but... she's so talented and sweet that I just can't. She does a lot of great work around feminist porn.

8. Lola Sparkle and Mutiny
Lola Sparkle works on a lot of awesome projects, including and especially Mutiny, which is like a mixture of an academic discussion and a cabaret. She's tireless about her work around sex worker rights, queer activism, and anti-racist efforts, among other things. Somehow she also manages time to be a great friend.

9. Katie at One Hot Crumpet
Ok, so this is a conflict of interest in a way, but then, it's my list! I kinda helped name "One Hot Crumpet", and Katie's been doing some great writing over there. She's on this list for multiple nights of late night support, being incredibly compassionate about nonmonogamy issues, and for being a lot of fun to top.

10. Alex Dymock
Really, I have a love affair with Alex's red hair and the way she twists it around her finger when she really gets into a topic with you. She's got a bit of a blog (and I hope there'll be more soon!) called Abject Intimacies, where she discusses and deconstructs sex, disgust and the law. Talking to her will explode your brain, in a good way.

11. Slim (@sfslim)
Slim is a guy who has privilege and tries his damnedest to use it to raise awareness. I have a lot of mad respect for him. He's a maker, a shaker, a traveler and a Burner. Plus he makes a really funny Cockney. Follow his twitter and marvel at all the cool links.


12. Angie
She's an artist, a brilliant cook, a breema specialist, and one of my best friends. She's an amazing woman who kicks life's ass, all the time. She's given me great advice on relationship stuff, baked cupcakes for Occupy Oakland, and is just always there to lend a hand and an ear. Even if she borrows all my costume stuff. ;)


13. BattyKitten
BattyKitten is just a fabulous woman who has the biggest heart. She's also an incredible costume designer- whenever I see her I'm soooo jealous of her stuff! She thankfully has an etsy store now so I can try to capture a bit of her glory.


14. Power Breakfasts
This is a secret group out in London who were a major support for me in so many ways. They were the first to show me that I could have a community where I felt totally supported and safe, and I didn't have to fight all the time. So much love.


15. Mission Control
So I'm totally a cult member. So what? I love the parties at Mission Control, love that they're striving to be better about representation and reflection, love that they listen when someone says "this person is an issue" and don't accuse you of starting drama or "making a fuss". It's another place I feel safe, and they're pretty few and far between.


16. Center for Sex and Culture
They've hosted the Safe/Word workshop, along with multiple other events that are sometimes challenging on the topics they cover. It's a community center that's really for the community. The CSC is one of those resources I consider myself quite lucky to have.


17. Labcoats and Lingerie
Fantastic blog run by two great writers. Every post on here makes me sit back and go "huh", which is awesome. Expect to be exposed to issues around kink, dis/ability, gender, nonmonogamy, and social issues. Yum yum yum.


18. Kink Academy
When I came across this site I was like "WHY HAVE I NOT SEEN THIS BEFORE". It's an online resource for workshops by various community presenters on everything under the sun, some of which are free. I'd subscribe, though, so I can have access to the more intermediate and advanced topics.


19. Jay Wiseman
Jay has been a big supporter of Maggie and I with our Safe/Ward and consent culture work- he helped me feel confident that I was doing good and important work, and that gave me the energy to keep it up. He's also been a good friend and really helpful with advice.


20. My Mom
My mom deserves special mention here. She has been massively supportive and understanding about issues that most parents couldn't even imagine talking to their kids about. I'm grateful to her for supporting my work, sending me links to job possibilities, and being a fabulous cheerleader, even if what I do is a bit... unusual. I love you, Mom.

The Arrogance of (some) Male Dominants: or, Why I Don't Submit

I love meeting new people via social media. I like the way that the internet connects me with tons of folks from all walks of life that I may never meet in person- I get exposed to all sorts of ideas and theory and politics and I devour it.

But there is one type of person I could really do without.

Arrogant male dominants.

Oh my god, could I do without them. In fact, I would go to more kinky events if I wasn't completely convinced that I would run, multiple times, into one or another of this breed- the swaggering "Master" type who has MULTIPLE YEARS EXPERIENCE!@#!@ and therefore most certainly know more about what being a dominant means than a whippersnapper like me. Extra points if more than a year of that experience was cybersex with a kink element online.

Or there's the other kind, the one who's quite smug that as a woman, I can't be a dominant. Maybe, just maybe, I could be a switch, but of course if I met the right dominant man I would straighten up and fly right. Oh, and of course I'm not REALLY queer. Again, if I met the right man I would know my proper place. It's biology, innit?

Generally guys like this are not in my world. I avoid them in person- if I can't, then my pretty obvious annoyance/repulsion makes it clear that they should bark up some other tree. I find these men are often like petri dish grown molds, destined to pop up when cissexism, heterosexism and patriarchy reign unchallenged. And personally? I'm allergic.

But on the internet, the Twue Male Doms crawl out of the wordwork (see what I did there?). There's no escaping them. They're sniffing around my Facebook. They're all up in my Fetlife. They're following me on Twitter. And they don't seem to understand that no, I am not a submissive, I am not into men, and I'm not changing my mind for them. Some male dominants are polite when they ask me to play, and I explain, and they're really pleasant about it, it's no biggie when I decline.

Others throw a weird sort of tantrum.

Maybe they think I look like a challenge, because I sometimes post photos of me bound or gagged. Maybe they think they're impressive catches and I should be grateful for their attention. Maybe they don't realize they come off as massive asshats. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt after all.

Today, for example, I had one who started off innocently enough, joking about my Twitter bio, where I say I generally follow people back who talk to me about something other than my tits. Cool, I don't mind a little good-natured larking about, right? He asked me what I liked talking about, like, for example, being tied up/gagged (thanks to my profile image, which has me peeling duct tape off my lips, a commentary on the Facebook censorship thing earlier in the week). I politely corrected him that actually, *I* was the one who did the tying, and anyway, I wasn't that into rope. I was a little annoyed that he'd make assumptions, but I get it.

That's when I discovered he was another one of those dickish male doms. Or at least he acted like one... and when I tried to get him to stop, nope, he just kept on going.

First, he questioned my skill. He's never met me. As far as I know, he knows nothing about me besides what he's learned on Twitter, which is not much. Strike one. Then, he says that you "know a dominatrix/dominant by their rope work". Uh, no. You don't need to be into rope bondage to be a Dom/me. Strike two. Then, he attempts to hit on me, saying that he subspaces for a dominatrix who can handle him- like I care? Strike three.

Kitty's not pleased.

I told him that I don't like being called a dominatrix and that I dislike the suggestion that all dominant women are pros... and he argued with me about it. I said that I used to not care much about bondage cause I stayed where I was told, because I was into service submission, and as a top I prefer duct tape and cling film. He just fixated on the fact I used to be a submissive and then said he was disappointed in me cause he had tried to be friends!

I just had to roll my eyes and say "thanks for the blog fodder"- because it's so stereotypical it's frustrating. I'm pissed off that he would assume that I was a submissive even after saying I don't ID that way. Why is it that so many male doms feel they are justified in treating female dominants like uppity submissives? Why do they struggle so much when asked not to do something? Why oh why do they feel the need to add to the stereotype that many male dominants are self-obsessed Gor-like knobs with their heads in their asses? I don't WANT to have my squick proven true over and over again! But they let down the side.

The way that people like this guy behave make me actively feel unsafe in my local community. It's certainly part of why I don't submit anymore- I just had too many experiences where the male doms I played with were not interested in an exchange so much as a give/take relationship. I gave, they took. So I quit submitting. I even turned away from kink for a while because I didn't want to deal with it. In London, at a club for female dominants and their submissives, I blossomed, grew confident, grew angry that I had been tricked for so long into doubting my true desires. Because guys like this surrounded me- guys who seemed to feel that all I needed was the right guy to fix me. And I was stupid enough to fall for it.

It bothers me particularly when I think about Safe/Ward and the Consent Culture project. Why? Because my limits are obviously not valuable. My identifications are not respected. What the hell kind of consent culture is this when even simple things politely requested are ignored, and the person ignoring them feels the right to call me a bully for speaking out about it?

Look, male dominants reading this, if there are any. I want to like you. I want you to be my ally in making people feel safe and respected in the kinky world, I want to see you fighting sexism, racism, homophobia, cissexism, ableism in our sex spaces... right alongside me. So please, if I say I'm a dominant woman, trust me- and don't take it as an invitation to challenge me to top you. It makes you look like a twat.

Interviewed at The Woman's POV!

I have an interview with the gorgeous, totally crushable Maxine Holloway up over at The Woman's POV! Lucky me. :)

Here's a taste:

What is Kitty Stryker’s biggest sexual fantasy right now?

Hee! I have some odd ones. Right now I have a fantasy about dressing like a human version of Pinkie Pie from “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”, listening to pony dubstep while giggling and bouncing around a tied up, scared submissive; I imagine mascara running down their cheeks as I torment them and pleasure them in turns. But then, I generally enjoy klown sex. My brain is a strange, strange place!

Yeah, you know you want to read more. And if you join, you get to see some dirty pictures of me too!

Trojan's TV Ads, and Sex Toys for Couples

I've been watching TV a bit while blogging (usually CSI, actually) and I normally don't pay a whole lot of attention. I just like background noise. But recently, I've been fascinated by a particular ad- TV ads for Trojan's Twister vibrator, which has aired both during the school day and late at night. Here's the ad:



Now, I've seen an increase in ads for, say, lubricant and condoms, on TV, and that's been cool. It's nice to see something as important as safer sex products being advertised as a positive sexy thing that can bring extra oomph to a couple's sex life. But the thing with condoms is that there's a health, element, right, and you can argue that's true for lube too. They're sexual necessities.

This ad feels a little different, despite the women being feminine. First off, the two women talking about the toy are doing so in the street. They're not ashamed. It's not a back alley sex toy store, it's a suburban neighborhood. The woman who bought the toy is in fact thrilled to get it in her mailbox and can't wait to tell her friend about it, rather than guiltily opening it in private from a discreet package. That seems kind of cool, actually.

My boyfriend is rather fond of sex toys.

Secondly, the two women discussing the toy are not talking about how amazing it'll be for their (assumed) male partners. There's no implied or overt concern that bringing a vibrator into the bedroom will scare a partner off, but rather, that it'll be a fun thing to use for their own pleasure. In 2011, this should not seem subversive, but I feel like in the fairly restrictive, enforced heteronormativity US, it's a big step.

Thirdly, and best of all in my opinion, is when their neighbors, a couple, walk up hand in hand. The two women are discussing how the vibe will "blow your hair back", and, when asked how they are, the couple turn to look at each other happily, saying how they couldn't be better. This move, of course, shows their hair blown back, suggesting that this couple has this toy and yes, indeed, it works pretty well. Again, on the surface, cute, but what is it saying below the surface?

My reading of this ad was that both members of the couple had enjoyed the benefits of this vibrator, which is, btw, not a vibrating cock ring, but a phallic shaped object made mainly for clitoral and vaginal stimulation. But his hair is blown back too, suggesting that just maybe he's gotten to try it out himself. The idea of men using vibrators is still novel to some, so to see it legitimized on TV is kind of awesome.

Not only that, but there's the assumption that they've used it together, as a couple, and it's been super sexy and fun- and that's accepted with a wink wink nudge nudge. He's not threatened by it, they're not worried about it, they just like having a vibrator as part of their sex life.

That's really, really cool, in a world where women still ask, concerned, that their partner might feel intimidated by such a toy, or that having one means that they (or their partner) is a massive sex addict, or that sex toys will ruin their sex lives for anything not involving a toy.

Maybe we are moving forward- one happy vibrated clitoris (or glans) at a time!

Review: Crystal Kiss Small Red Swirl Plug

I've been such a nice girl in all the naughtiest ways this year, so Crystal Delights let me choose something from their site. For the holidays, I just had to pick the Crystal Kiss Shall Red Swirl Plug- it's like a bejeweled peppermint candy for your bum!

First, I love the wrapping. This plug comes nestled in a padded pouch, perfect for storing and presenting to a lover. Mine was black, with a ribbon closure- you wrap the pouch around the toy and then tie it together to keep it safe.

There's no identifying marks or tags on the bag to suggest that it's for sex toys, so for discreet storage this is quite nice really! I can imagine having it in your lingerie drawer and no one really noticing it- it'd fit right in!

As you can see, this plug is clear with a really pretty red swirl throughout it. It's super smooth and feels as beautiful as it looks. It's not a massive toy, with 2.7" insertable length and 1.4" at the widest point, but it's got a shape that'll keep it right where you want it- nestled between your cheeks! And I love the way that glass, like metal, weighs a bit, giving a nice pressure that feels really, really good.

Another fun thing with glass is that you can warm it up or cool it down, making it into a fun sensation toy. I kind of like slipping it in as is, cold at first but warming up quickly to the heat of my body. Experimenting with temperature is fun!

And of course, you don't have to use it internally to use it as a sensation toy. I've used glass toys as ice that'll never melt before, too. You can get creative.

But the real delight for this toy comes from the sparkly crystal on the end- a Red Magma Swarovski crystal, to be precise! I love butt plugs that have crystals in the end, because it makes me feel pretty and femme.

For cleaning this, use soap and water, a toy cleaner, or wipe it down with a bit of peroxide or a 10% bleach solution. While normally boiling glass or putting it in the dishwasher isn't an issue, you probably don't want to do that with this toy as it might jeopardize the crystal. Just be sure to put the toy back in the bag when you've cleaned it, so it doesn't get nicked or scratched!

Thank you so much Crystal Delights for sending me the Crystal Kiss Swirl Plug to review! It's the perfect holiday treat.

Minor Musings on Butch/Femme/Andro Dynamics in MLP:FIM

I was chatting with a friend on Facebook about butch and femme, particularly about traits often ascribed to those genders. Butches, we said, often refer to themselves as honest and loyal.

Which of course led me to think about the queerness of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, in which the pegasus Rainbow Dash, a competitive jock type, is often considered the butch. It's partially just due to her rainbow hair, though her spiritedness, sportiness, and rashness add to the tomboy impression. What's her element? Oh yeah- loyalty. Funny, that.

But then, thinking further on this, the most high femme MLP would be Rarity, a fashion designer pony with immaculate curls who loves sparkly things. She's a little vain, sure, but she's also self employed, hardworking, and fabulous. She's the element of generosity- which I found even more interesting, as femmes are often characterized as caregivers.

And yet, Rainbow Dash and Rarity infrequently seem to spend much time with each other- there's only one episode in which they interact, and it's mostly Rarity being an attention whore instead of supporting Dash... until Rarity needs rescuing with the help of Dash's superspeediness. Which creates a sonic rainboom. It's all rather beautiful really.

Rainbow Dash is mostly paired off with Pinkie Pie, as far as I can tell. Pinkie is the element of laughter, and they do practical jokes together. I see Pinkie as femme, too, but she's the casual femme who enjoys a little roughhousing and baking. She's not afraid to get dirty. This is likely why I identify with her so much.

Applejack, meanwhile, might also be a bit butch, but the soft butch to Dash's harder butchness. She is, amusingly, the element of honesty... the other most often mentioned trait for butches on dating sites and such. She and Rarity sometime struggle to get on, as their ideas of fun and cleanliness are pretty much on opposite sides of the scale.

Fluttershy is the element of kindness, and she seems like a pretty shy pegasus. I would picture her in the queer world as being the kind who's happiest to stay home and help bake cookies for fundraisers, but won't go to protests. She'd also probably be involved with animal shelter work or something equally not attention-seeking but giving to the community.

Finally, the unicorn Twilight Sparkle. This is so obviously the academic activist pony, the one who debates on panels and blogs about how all -isms are entwined but separate threads. She's in her head all the time, the one you call when you're at a protest and everyone's about to get arrested. Twi would just know what to do. I kind of picture her as somewhat androgynous, personally- the slightly awkward hipster nerd girl.

I am so obviously tired. I don't know why I'm thinking about this. Here is a piece that is incredibly well put together about why MLP: FIM is show with some mad feminist props. Or just go watch the show.

Some Excellent Gift Guides via Good Vibrations!

Good Vibrations has put together some fabulous gift guides for some last minute shopping: I'm going to give you a few highlights from each!

From the Green Sex Gift Guide:

This Romp plug is just gorgeous. It's made of wood, which means this will warm beautifully to the body, and the shape means it'll be super comfortable for long term use.

The wood is a sustainably harvested exotic hardwood, and it has a hypo-allergenic coating to make this non-porous and appropriate for use with any type of lubricant.

This would make a fabulous gift for the ecosexual in your life- some people hug trees, others do a little bit more, right? The shape, too, is subtle enough that you could easily display this as art and no one would be the wiser.

I LOVE Sir Richard condoms! Love them so much!

First of all, they're the best fitting condoms on the boy that we've ever found. Ever. They have a really nice trendy package, they're thin without breaking, and they come in multiple types- textured, extra large, and classic.

But even better- for each condom sold, Sir Richard donates a condom to a developing country! And even better than that- when they make a donation, they create an entirely new brand to ensure that they're seen as culturally relevant, which has such an amazing awareness of how important marketing can be for safer sex outreach.

Perfect for the activist in your life!

From the Sexy Gifts for the Gal Who Has It All Guide:

You probably recognize this little beauty from the review I did of it a couple weeks back with the boy- man, this is a sexy toy for mutual masturbation, and it's got so many uses to keep you interested! The boy loves it quite a bit, as you'll see if you check out the review.

It's the Lyla waterproof remote controlled vibrator, and it's one hell of a present for pretty much anyone in your life. Even my mother commented on how beautifully it was presented and how nice the design was!

I'd recommend this particularly for couples who enjoy a little mutual vibration, or to use on one partner who's tied up (as both parts vibrate), or possible for use out and about at a party...?

When I saw these delicate feather cuffs, I thought they were the prettiest things. not meant for serious bondage, of course, but I could imagine them being an accessory on a service submissive at a party, or as a sensuous method to keep your lover's hands bound while you kiss and lick their skin.

They're more like bracelets than like cuffs, so keep that in mind. That said, because they've so jewelry-like, that might make them feel like a fun flirty extra to your sex life, without feeling intimidated by all the leather and chains.

I'd recommend these to people who love costume parties, romantic sexual adventuring, and those who like to see high femme accessories on their submissive lovers.

From the Sexy Queer Gift Guide:

When I heard about Doing it Ourselves- the Trans Women Porn Project  I cheered. Felt like it was about time, and it had taken long enough!

It frustrates me sometimes that while transmen are being seen positively more and more often in queer porn, trans women are often still relegated to "chicks with dicks" or other horribly offensive themes. It's great to see some work being done to combat that tendency, even if they did have to do it themselves to make it happen.

This would be a great gift for anyone who enjoys good, homemade queer pornography.

Additionally, transmen of colour have been sadly lacking in material about transmasculinities- there are a lot of intersections relating to being a transman and a man of colour. Finding the guide "Freeing Ourselves: A guide to Health and Self Love for Brown Bois" therefore, was also incredibly pleasing!

While this book covers issues about transitioning, it also covers mental health, surviving sexual abuse, parenting, working out, tips for underage transmen, and whole body health advice. It's illustrated, as well.

This might be a good gift for anyone thinking about transmasculinities, whether it be personal exploration and discovery or to give a friend or loved one more information.

Happy Holidays, Good Vibes!